An inebriated man was overcome with a late-night cheeseburger craving and did what any rational person would do in this situation: Break into a Five Guys, fire up the grill, and cook himself a meal.
The burglar, who was stumbling around Washington, D.C. between 3 and 5 a.m. on a Friday night this past March, saw a delivery driver enter a Five Guys restaurant and tailed him into the store. Once the driver had left the building, that's when he emerged and got to cooking.
In the surveillance video released by police, the man can be seen pouring himself a fountain drink before scoping out his surroundings. While talking on his phone, he casually throws two hamburger patties on the grill. Slices of cheese are then placed on top of the burgers as the man heats up the buns.
After the man had completed his drunken masterpiece, he then grabbed a bottle of water and strolled out of the store.
"A suspect followed a delivery man into the restaurant and waited until the delivery man left," the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department wrote in a news release after the ordeal. "He then rummaged through the establishment, cooked food, and stole bottled water before leaving the restaurant."
D.C. police sought help identifying the man. D.C. Crime Solvers additionally offered a $1,000 reward to anyone who could pinpoint and bring the hamburglar to justice. We offer something far more valuable than cash: A spot in the pantheon of Man of the Year legends.
Here is the surveillance video, for your viewing pleasure.
