Culture

2016 Man of the Year: American Men

Kid Rock, the American man / AP

In the year 2016, men did so much winning they were dangerously close to getting sick from it. First, men handed the keys to the Oval Office to one Donald Trump, preserving a glass ceiling established by their patriarchal forebears in 1776. Despite dire warning that "Women are defeating Donald Trump," and political maps showing "Crooked" Hillary Clinton winning 458 electoral votes in an all-female electorate, the votes of men ended up proving decisive and a much better barometer for the final election results. An all-male electorate would have given Donald Trump 350 electoral votes—he ended up winning 306.

Even in defeat, men managed to win consolation prizes. Men were so accustomed to winning that the Clinton campaign paid them more than female staffers, as the Washington Free Beacon reported last year.

The winning continued at the box office, where men managed to defeat Lady Ghostbusters, one of Hollywood's most hyped reboots in a generation. The film's marketing campaign let viewers know the movie was "with her," but moviegoers were decidedly not with them. The unnecessary addition to the beloved film franchise failed to meet expectations during Hollywood's blockbuster season.

Men dealt a blow to yet another terrible marketing campaign later in the year. Comedians Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen teamed up to act their un-funniest in an effort to show that Bud Light takes itself way too seriously. One of the commercials highlighted that women are terrible at negotiating car prices, for some reason considered a sign of oppression. Bud Light put an end to the campaign months ahead of schedule after it failed to sway the (largely male) beer drinking community.

Whether it was in the voting booth, in films, or on television, men made 2016 a truly historic year. Take a bow American men, take a sip of a delicious Budweiser, and then take a nap while your wife takes care of the newborn. You've earned this Man of the Year award.