If everybody in your building can’t hear you having sex, then you could probably be doing a better job at it.
This isn’t the case for a New York City pair that has such loud sex that the neighbors have called the police.
"Neighbors are having very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole bldg," logged the operator that took in one of the complaints. She was "moaning and screaming ‘Oh yeah, oh, do it to me,’" according to another complaint.
In fairness to the two of them, not all the complaints were directly aimed at them. One complaint noted that a neighbor loudly yelled, "Shut your f*cking windows you whore."
It seems as though the woman had the building’s maintenance man there around the clock and that he did "work" all over her apartment.
"It happens three or four times a week though I'm at school in the day so it could be more," said a neighbor. "They usually go at it for 10 to 15 minutes and I hear them all over the apartment. Sometimes it's the bedroom and sometimes it's in the lobby by the front door."
He apparently works in the buildings on weekends too.
"Saturdays, it’s louder. About 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes more than an hour," said another neighbor. "[She] keeps screaming to continue, to not stop."
Thankfully, the griping neighbors haven’t convinced the couple that they are in the wrong.
"I'm doing what I'm doing in my own apartment. I'm not hurting anyone. My neighbors calling the city are going about it the wrong way," said the woman.
The man said that he doesn’t think they are the only couple in the building having loud sex.
"Everyone has their own way. People above and below us are noisy too," he said, adding that he is a little bothered that he can’t hear anybody else in the building getting it on.
"I wouldn't mind if the people next door were doing the same!" he said.
By the way, the handyman’s work was not only loud—it was also effective. The woman let reporters know that she was four months pregnant in April.
Tip of the hat to you, Mr. Handyman. For having the loudest sex in America’s biggest city, you are a Free Beacon Man of the Year.
Published under: Men of the Year