President Trump is having a hard time finding a new chief of staff to run his White House, and he is reportedly "super pissed" about it. That's only natural for a proven leader with high standards. But until the perfect candidate (Hope Hicks) comes to her senses and accepts the job, here are a few other candidates the president should consider.
Who: Bobby Knight
Why: Trump supporter with leadership credentials
Why Not: White House chairs are heavy/expensive
Who: Emmanuel Macron
Why: Sexually sophisticated world leader with a firm handshake; Could use a change from his current employment situation
Why Not: Neoliberal sissy; French
Who: Paul Manafort
Why: Loyal henchman with previous experience working for Trump; It would massively own the libs
Why Not: Pending criminal charges in state courts
Who: Silk
Why: Loyalist adored by Trump; Diamond holding her back; Needs to step into the spotlight on her own
Why Not: She wouldn't have time for Jared's prep school shenanigans
Who: The Romney Boys
Why: They're everything Eric and Don Jr. aren't; I mean, just look at them
Why Not: Petty jealousy
Who: Reginald VelJohnson
Why: Law and order experience; Adept at dealing with obnoxious nerds (vital for media relations); Helped take down a terrorist cell at Nakatomi Plaza
Why Not: Thespian
Who: Dick Cheney
Why: Greatest Living Vice President
Why Not: N/A
Who: USA Freedom Kids
Why: Talented patriots; Potential for "White House: The Musical" to knock "Hamilton" off its high horse
Why Not: Litigious history; Sued the Trump campaign for breach of contract
Who: The Orb
Why: Bestows galactic intellect upon all worthy individuals who lay hands on it
Why Not: Has trouble delegating; Troubling criminal background
Who: Glenn Parness
Why: Previous experience as White House chief of staff under President Thomas Whitmore
Why Not: Fictional; Killed in the alien attack on NORAD
Who: Trumpy Bear
Why: Non-confrontational; Good listener; Adorable
Why Not: Made in China
If any of these don't work out, there's always the nuclear option...
