So, bad news. There won't be any Bachelorette recap this week.
I am in Florida (seen in the photo above) on vacation. I had originally planned, like usual, to chronicle the timeless yarn of a good woman and the one thing that will always fulfill her: pinning roses on men's chests like the autocratic villain in a dystopian novel. Unfortunately, dinner and some technological constraints intervened.
Even more unfortunately, I won't be able to film and post the reactions of assorted family members as I explain that I need to spend the next 10 hours working on a post about … the Bachelorette.
Who knows what happened on last night's episode? I do not. (Besides humiliation and deceit, the two towers of marriage.)
I am told:
"You should be advised you missed mutual, romantic, finger-to-lips ‘shhhing' WHILE slow-dancing between Dez and a nondescript man named Chris(?). Mutual! A spectacular combination of cliches rarely seen together, even in reality TV."
Mutual! I've got the Bachelorette DVR'd at home, though. I'll be back in the saddle next week. I hope y'all laughed and laughed at last night's episode.