Previously on the Bachelorette: Nearly an entire day of programming. Dez (...the girl), Drew (gel), Chris (tall), and Brooks (gel and tall) went to Antigua. Dez wanted Drew's body. She looked very skeptical about moving to Seattle with Chris. And then for 45 minutes, the Bachelorette producers cut the 7th Heaven soundtrack, and a nation watched as Brooks kicked Dez to the curb. Chris Harrison welcomes us to the LIVE "dramatic" conclusion of the Bachelorette. How Chris Harrison could know a live event will be dramatic is unclear. Anyway, things are pretty bleak at the outset. Chris Harrison informs us that when we last saw Dez, she was heartbroken, alone, crying at the end of a dock, and "virtually hopeless."
Previously on the Bachelorette: A chiropractor adjusted Desiree; Desiree operated a sno cone truck; Brooks stood up in a canoe; Drew and his father wore subtly matching purple shirts; Desiree sent Zak back to the oil rig. It's the Men Tell All week, and let me tell y'all this: There is not much telling. This is about five minutes of television stretched into two hours.
Previously on the Bachelorette: Trapped on an island with five Bachelorette contestants and Desiree Harstock, the residents of Madeira hid indoors; the English language perished; Dez and Brooks sat in the clouds like they were in the dream sequences from Brazil; a federal prosecutor met his fate. Pour yourself a drink—there's a lot to cover this week and, what the hell, you've earned it. The Bachelorette returns stateside for the four family visits and the editing is lean. The setup here is we get a little, tease pre-game date to, I guess, loosen Dez up for the family dinners and parental interrogation.
dreamed of a party on a boat. Adults argued about this in Barcelona. With the amazing stakes magically higher than the incredible ever, the crew heads from Barcelona to Madeira. Despite the show sort of framing it like they just hopped on a yacht and popped over there—because, you know, Europe, it's all close together—Madeira is about 500 miles off the coast of Lisbon, and Lisbon is about 750 miles from Barcelona. One can only hope they took a boat.Previously on the Bachelorette: There was a man named James and he may have
broke his finger, a woman yelled, the looming specter of Disney's The Lone Ranger loomed, and Dez told an emotional guy that he didn't have to go home, but he also couldn't stay near her. Chris Harrison informs us we're leaving Southern California for New Jersey in the (what looks like) winter!Previously on the Bachelorette: Brooks