What follows is everything you need to know about the latest batch of Hillary Clinton emails released by the State Department.
Hey, are you there?
Yeah, what's up.
Can you tell me about these Hillary Clinton emails everyone is talking about on Twitter?
Sure, what would you like to know?
Everything.
Ok, well, the State Department has just released about 3,000 pages of emails Hillary Clinton sent while serving as secretary of state. Most of them are from 2009. This is the first of several batches of emails the State Department is planning to release over the next year.
Government transparency is a good thing, right?
It is. However, it's worth noting that these emails were personally selected by Hillary Clinton for release prior to having her private email server wiped clean. So if we don't find a "smoking gun" in any of the emails, that just means that Hillary Clinton is competent enough to not knowingly release politically damaging and/or incriminating material.
Shouldn't an independent third party look into to whether she's not hiding anything?
Yes, even Vox.com thinks this is a reasonable course of action.
Would Hillary agree to do that?
Probably not.
I guess that's why so many Americans don't think she can be trusted.
Yeah.
I bet the D.C. press is having a field day.
Sort of. Some people weren't very impressed:
Area Woman Sent Emails
— Igor Bobic (@igorbobic) July 1, 2015
Seriously though, how long are going to be treating this bullshit as a real story?
— Igor Bobic (@igorbobic) July 1, 2015
Others engaged in witty Benghazi banter:
She was using it to cover up Benghazi-- subpoena the faxes https://t.co/lRqlANR2wf — Glenn Thrush (@GlennThrush) July 1, 2015
That's pretty funny. What's this about a fax machine?
Hillary couldn't figure out how to use one:
Hillary Clinton, figuring out how to work a fax machine pic.twitter.com/oJ2KxOtfJ6 — Dave Levinthal (@davelevinthal) July 1, 2015
That poor, confused old woman.
Yeah.
Huma Abedin seems like a very patient person. I hope she is well compensated.
Yeah, she does. Fortunately, the State Department allowed her to work as a private consultant for a firm run by a former Clinton aide. She didn't disclose her consulting work, or how much she made, but hopefully it was enough to supplement the meager six-figure salary she was paid by the government to do whatever Hillary wanted, like explain how a fax machine works.
Did Hillary Clinton dish out any fashion advice over email?
Of course. She once told John Podesta, her current campaign manager, to wear socks to bed to keep his feet warm.
Who else did she keep in touch with? You know, besides Sidney Blumenthal?
Well, in addition to having late night chats with Blumenthal, Hillary was in email contact with Neera Tanden, president of the Center for American Progress, as well as White House adviser David Axelrod, and Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emmanuel, among others.
So, they all knew about her private email address?
Yep. Axelrod said Wednesday that he knew all along, he just didn't know she was using it exclusively on a private server, a practice the State Department's chief FOIA officer has called "inappropriate."
What did Hillary and Neera Tanden talk about?
They emailed about healthcare, but some of the messages are partly redacted, for some reason.
I bet the emails show that Hillary was a valued member of the Obama administration.
Sort of, but she did complain about showing up to meetings only to find out they had been cancelled, and on at least one occasion Hillary learned about a cabinet meeting on the radio while being driven to work. "Can I go?," she asked in an email to Huma. Also, she wasn't always first to know about her husband's plan, such as the time Bill agreed to be the United Nations envoy to Haiti without telling Hillary or the White House.
What about Al Gore?
What about Al Gore?
Yeah, did he ever try to contact Hillary?
He did. Huma emailed Hillary in May 2009 to say that "Gore just called saying he hasn't heard from you. he's expecting to hear from you tonite."
Wow, did Huma even apologize?
Yeah, she did. "I'm sorry," she wrote.
Did Hillary ever send out classified information over email?
Sort of. She has insisted that she didn't. However, some of her emails has been subsequently "upgraded" to classified status.
remember, these are the minority of emails she didn't delete. pic.twitter.com/VvMXJQqVwO
— Ron Fournier (@ron_fournier) July 1, 2015
Oh.
Yeah.
Maybe if Hillary is elected president, she'll stop acting so sketchily.
Maybe.