In days long lost, the Greek state Sparta earned military supremacy by training its warriors in harsh and brutal conditions that eschewed ‘love’ and ‘affection’ and focused only on victory in combat. Or at least that's what I learned from 300.
Ryan Lochte is a modern day Spartan. Until now, Ryan’s flamboyance in What Would Ryan Lochte Do? was illustrated by his Air Lochtes and dogged adherence to being ‘turnt up.’ But in this week’s chapter, America saw that arrogance can be earned through the wars between the lane lines. America saw his Spartan lodging, as this warrior requires only a couch, a television, a refrigerator, and a bed. America saw his five-hour 'Strongman workouts' in a neighborhood cul-du-sac.
Despite his family’s plea to hang up his battle-worn Speedo and settle with the only girl on the planet that is able to carry on a dinner conversation about chest-shaving with a gold-plated razor, Ryan cannot stop. There are races to be won.
Ryan’s Penelope, the alluring Jaimee, has been mentioned throughout #WWRLD as the only girl who can make Ryan an honest man, a pretty tall order for anyone. A committed relationship with Ryan Lochte means a committed relationship with McDonald’s drive-thrus and maid service. Who has time to cook and clean when there is drunk golf to be played?
Jaimee is as a charming as Ryan’s family makes her out to be. Not every lady would fly from London to Gainesville for a weekend with her slam piece Olympic athlete who considers the two hour car ride to Orlando for a meet as ‘quality time.’
As Ryan and Jaimee part yet again, Jamiee, dismayed, wonders when their next romantic rendezvous in Central Florida might be. In a separate confessional, Ryan can only shrug his shoulders. In what seems like every scene, Ryan is asked why he can't settle with the one girl who flies across the Atlantic to watch him fall in battle. And in every scene, Ryan says the time needs to be right for everything to fall into place.
Because he's a Spartan. There is training to be done. The pool beckons.