Ode to an American Hero

February 26, 2018

Normally I would save this sort of thing for the Free Beacon's annual Man of the Year celebration, but some things simply can't wait. Some heroism needs to be celebrated immediately. Behold: the hero Gotham needs right now:

Now, look. Obviously we shouldn't cheer all those who destroy the state's property or all those who circumvent efforts to enforce the law. But some laws are unjust. Some of the state's property serves to oppress. Sometimes you need a hero.

Let's break down his moves, shall we? You'll note that the car rolls to a stop slightly ahead of the camera stand.

What is happening, we wonder? Does he have motor troubles? A flat tire?

Does he carry with him the last hope for humanity?

And then he bursts forth from the van, legs pumping, his shoulder thrust forward. He slams into the apparatus like a linebacker hitting a tackle dummy: form perfect, the hit brutal.

But our unknown hero does not relent yet. He knows that the box is just a stand, a totem, not his true enemy. He puts the boots to the camera—medium style—in order to dislodge the foul, soul-stealing device from its aerie.

Understanding intuitively the tenets of Greek tragedy, our unnamed hero must know that the camera has to face an ironic fate. He flings the soulless beast into traffic, where it will be reduced to dust by the wheels of so many big rigs, so many outraged commuters. What once laid low the auto is now laid low by the auto.

Look, again: some laws are good and just. Prohibitions against rape and murder, for instance. We need them. Without laws we are savages.

But speed cameras are not included in the "good and just" category. They are revenue-producing monstrosities designed to suck people of their money in order to fill the coffers of bureaucrats:

The number of tickets — which led to $99.2 million in revenue for the city — was nearly double that issued the previous year, according to AAA’s Mid-Atlantic chapter, which obtained the figures through a public-records request to the District’s Department of Motor Vehicles.

The District’s citations also far exceeded those in neighboring jurisdictions, according to the data collected by AAA. The District issued 994,163 speed-camera tickets, compared to 529,993 in Montgomery County and 263,302 in Prince George’s County.

If my fellows in the District and Maryland ever tire of Big Brother's boot grinding into your face, just know: freedom awaits you to your south.

Virginia is prevented by state law from using speed cameras.

God bless ole Virginny. Humanity's final bastion of freedom. If the corruptocrats in D.C. try to imprison this hero, I promise to lead the resistance in an effort to spirit him southward. We shall protect you, brother. You are one of us now.