Any American sports fan can run through post-game talking points in their sleep.
"The other team was well coached." "We prepared well and executed the game plan." "We’re on to the next one." Snnnooozzzzeee…
Deadspin's Peter Cox shadowed the North Korea’s men’s national team for a week and, it turns out, Nork post-game pressers are just as canned as America's:
"Today is the birthday of the Great Ruler Kim Il-sung whom all people in the world can't help but admiring. So, even though we were very tired due to the long trip, we ran and ran with the only desire to make a report of a win to the generals and to the Ruler Kim Jong-un in my home country."
Cox asked Nork team captain Ri Choi-min how the team was going to prepare for their next game in the IIHF Division III World Championships.
"We don't like talking much before the game, so let's talk later once the results are in," Ri said. The team promptly exited stage left. Norks may love their roundball, but they get their media cues straight from Bill Belichick’s Patriots.
As documented in the past, the Hermit Kingdom spends lavishly on the Supreme Leader. The kingdom blew nearly 50 percent of the nation’s entire budget on celebrating the 100th birthday of the Great Leader, a man who died nearly 20 years ago. Bury me a G, indeed.
That kind of spending doesn’t leave much room for other state-run endeavors. The Mighty Ducks, before they secured sponsorship from Mr. Ducksworth, had better gear than the Nork men’s hockey team. The team literally has to hand each other sticks on shift changes because they don’t have enough for the full roster.
You wouldn’t know it by their state-instituted patriotism, but it's widely understood that life in the Hermit Kingdom is rough. And if anything pain begets anything, it’s alcoholism. It appears the only English most Norks know are "Supreme Leader is good" and "champagne." Rob Brownz must be huge in the Hermit Kingdom. The Nork team manager made Cox and the U.A.E. team manager yell "gun bae" (Korean for "cheers") and chug champagne. If the Nork hockey team’s participation in the IHFF worlds was one large propaganda ad, a champagne campaign isn't the worst attempt to make reporters and your competition think that life in the Hermit Kingdom ain’t so bad.
Nork discipline is contagious, though. The team never made any adjustments—in-game or tournament-wide—from their 2000s New Jersey Devils’ trap defense. Which makes sense because that’s probably the latest footage of NHL hockey that they could get a hold of.
The Norks eventually lost in the championship game in a 4-1 blowout. Post-game, Ri had few words.
"In this game we did not play very well," Ri said, "but next year we will try harder so we'll win the gold medal."
Ri definitely didn’t get any post-game inspiration from Jim Mora.