America faces uncertain times. Russia is swallowing Ukraine. Craft beer prices are skyrocketing. And today's news that D.C. reached 90 degrees for the first time this year was soured with reports of a shortage of a critical element of the summer experience.
The bad weather and the huanglongbing epidemic began to increase the cost of limes earlier this year. Then, the problem was made worse by the drug cartels. The Knights Templar is a powerful drug cartel in Mexico and has set its sights on the farmers in Michoacán, one of the favored locations for lime growth. The limes there were able to escape the bad weather and huanglongbing, making them more valuable than usual. Because prices for limes became so high, cartels like The Knights Templar began threatening farmers, seizing groves, and even hijacking trucks. Lime farmers how hire armed guards to transport their coveted citrus.
Not only did this revolting winter shrink our lime stores, now there’s a lime cartel in Old Mexico. Obama's America.
Between the blockade and poor harvest, prices for limes have surged 400 percent in the last year, forcing bars to pay $130 for a crate of limes that once cost $30. This crisis couldn't have come at a worst time as we've finally arrived at "patio season." It's a blessed time of year, one during which millions of Americans take three-hour meetings outside and consume countless Coronas and tequila shots to celebrate good weather.
This is the face you make when you take a tequila shot sans a lime chaser. A GIF does say a thousand words.
Without tequila we are lost. What other shot is going to slap you hard enough in the mouth to sum up the courage to holler at that filly down at the Georgetown Waterfront?
Tequila is a shot best taken with a group.
The fun thing about tequila is that it’s an experience to rip the shot. One popular manner of shooting involves using a belly button as a shot glass, which is also known as a body shot.
Every body shot is an adventure. You could even choose to place the lime chaser on the shottee's mouth if you're feeling frisky, which you likely are because you're ripping back tequila. You can't pull that stunt off with Fireball.
Lime and tequila go together like vodka and Red Bull. Limes are a cornerstone of the summer patio experience from New York to Washington and are a year-round requirement in Southern California. We can't let the lime terrorists win.
If there’s ever a time for U.S. interventionism, it's now. But knowing this White House, they’re just going to trot out Tom Vilsack for another moment in #HashtagDiplomacy.
