Nikki Haley is still wrong, and if you thought there were only five ways to own the libs, you haven't been paying attention! Here are five more:
1. Commit voter fraud!
As you've probably noticed, the libs are convinced voter fraud is a myth, despite the fact that millions of illegal voters, in coordination with Deep State operatives, nearly succeeded in stealing the presidential election for Hillary Clinton in 2016. If they want more proof, well, they can have it. Committing some light voter fraud in this year's midterm election, and documenting it all on social media, is a relatively simple way to own libs hard. If we can get enough patriotic conservatives to participate, we'll have a boatload of proof to shove back in the libs' faces when they go poopy in their widdle diapers. Just think how owned the libs will be when Republicans maintain control of Congress for the next two years. Triggered much?
2. Start an Instagram account to show off all the cool sh*t you can buy with your inheritance money thanks to the Trump tax cuts!
Once you've finished counting all the money you're going to earn due to the recent restructuring of your father's estate — or mother's estate! Sorry, libs, you'll have to save your witty jibe about the patriarchy for another day — the best course of action would be to start showcasing your lavish lifestyle on social media. Think of all the sweet guns you'll be able to buy, and how every new photo will ignite a chorus of triggered libs, owning themselves raw in the comments section. You could dine at all the schmanciest boutique restaurants across the country, ordering 100 well-done steaks (with ketchup) every time and then just walking out the door like a f*cking badass. President Trump would be proud, and the libs will be owned!
3. Illegally emigrate to Mexico!
It's only fair. According to the libs, illegal immigration is a God-given right, an act of valor on a par with winning the Congressional Medal of Honor. They're probably going to nominate an illegal immigrant for president in 2020. Let's see how long it takes the government of Mexico to pay for the wall after we establish a few "cultural communes" in their country. Maybe instead of assimilating, we'll just slam Bud Heavies all day and serve American chili dogs out of food trucks. (Sorry, solo habla ingles!) Maybe we'll head down to Cancún and protest all the sickening displays of "cultural appropriation." That's guaranteed to drive the libs completely loco!
4. Produce an award-winning candid camera-style show called "Triggered Treat"
The possibilities are endless, really. Host Jesse Watters would deploy a crack team of undercover operatives to the scummiest left-wing bowels of Brooklyn, and unleash an endless can of ownage upon the unsuspecting libs. "On no! Someone slapped a Trump sticker on my Prius?" Owned! "Egads! This almond milk tastes an awful lot like soy." Owned! "Say it ain't so! My daughter Lakynn's new preschool teacher just spent the entire day lecturing her about why her name is stupid." Owned! "What's that? This avocado pit is actually a live hand grenade?" If Watters can't own the libs, no one can!
5. Memify the #MaleMuffinTop!
The male muffin top, and its utter lack of recognition as a cultural fixture, is perhaps the single most under-appreciated example of reverse misogyny in America today. Search "muffin top" on Urban Dictionary and practically ever result contains a gendered reference to "heavier females," "her flab," or "that girl's muffin top." It's disheartening, to say the least. The male muffin top can be a beautiful thing, which is why I'm sure all the "body positive" libs out there won't mind seeing it transformed into a viral meme.
Not! They're going to be sobbing in their parents' basements the second #MaleMuffinTop becomes a trending hashtag, and all their Instagram feeds become an endless stream of sweat-covered, fleshy lower-back areas. Take that, libs!