Time released its annual ass-kissing list today. To the shock of no one, and to the chagrin of all the Cubans who remain stranded on the Castro brothers' prison island, Jay-Z landed on the list. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg ($14 million poorer) penned the appreciation. And it's as self-indulgent and cringe-inducing as you'd expect:
Jay Z embodies so much of what makes New York New York. A kid from a tough neighborhood who grows up in public housing, overcomes lots of bad influences on the street, never lets go of his dream, makes it to the top — and then keeps going, pursuing new outlets for his creativity and ambition. When no one would sign him to a record contract, he created his own label and built a music empire — before going on to design clothing lines, open sports bars and, most recently, represent professional athletes. He’s an artist-entrepreneur who stands at the center of culture and commerce in 21st century America, and his influence stretches across races, religions and regions. He’s never forgotten his roots — "Empire State of Mind" was a love song to our city — and as a co-owner of the NBA Nets, he helped bring a major league sports team back to Brooklyn, not far from his old neighborhood. In nearly everything he’s tried, he’s found success. (He even put a ring on Beyoncé.) And in doing so, he’s proved that the American Dream is alive and well.
Jay-Z embodies so much more than what Mikey listed, however. Allow me to add:
- When caught with guns, it's always his weed carrier’s fault.
- Like most New York entertainers, he commits 'highway robbery' by pricing his fans out of his shows.
- After the birth of his daughter, his wife’s lavish maternity suite and hired bodyguards forced hospital staff to neglect other mothers.
- He donated only $6,000 to charity in a year when his income was $63 million.
- He waited for Joe Biden to endorse gay marriage so Obama could endorse so Jay could endorse. Gay marriage. So trendy.
"What makes New York, New York"? Sounds about right.