NOTE: I do not actually know if Keurig shares soared nor do I know if they will. Please consider the headline above to be a "joke"* and not "investment advice."
My Twitter feed exploded with derision this morning when Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced that he wants his baristas to scrawl "race together" on cups and, if customers ask what that means, for the baristas to then discuss the state of race relations with their pre-caffeinated customers.
It's an amazing idea, frankly. Take a bunch of people who have yet to consume the stimulant you've gotten them addicted to, force them to stand in line with a bunch of other addicts while they wait for their fix, and then, after they pay you $17 for their latte with six shots and extra whipped cream or whatever, get them talking about the single most delicate issue in the public forum today.
This is why they pay Schultz the big bucks, I guess.
I've been on both sides of the counter.** So I feel pretty comfortable stating that the only thing a cashier should be quizzing you on is what you want in your order. If you know the customer well, maybe you should make small talk about the weather, or their kids. Because I know, for a fact, the last thing on the planet that I, as a customer, want to do is discuss the state of race relations with the dude making $8/hour to pour me a blonde roast. I cannot imagine a single thing in the world that could be worse than that, as a customer.
Seriously, though, the biggest losers here are the employees. How long will it be until one of them says the wrong thing to someone with an overactive outrage sensor? How long will it be until there's video of some stressed out barista captured on (a vertically held, natch) iPhone screaming about oppression? How long will it be until there's a tumblr highlighting the inappropriate ways in which they are forced to awkwardly shepherd their customers through the hoops of a compassionate conversation?***
Is Starbucks going to give handbooks to their employees to instruct them on how to best approach such a sensitive topic? Are they going to offer employees assurances that they won't get fired if they say something slightly wrong? Are they going to mandate seminars and weekend retreats so as to create a sufficiently self-aware staff?
I just ... I don't get it. I don't see the upside here. And the downside is so obvious and drastic that it seems nuts to me that Schultz would push ahead with this.
*Perhaps not a particularly good one, but still.
**I spent most of my high school years working at a McDonald's. It was fantastic work, for the most part. Some believe kids should be forced to do charity work, but I think every kid should be forced to work in fast food before they graduate high school. Learning how to juggle multiple tasks while also dealing with moody customers and idiot coworkers does far more to prepare you for the real world than, say, setting up a blood drive. (Which I've also done, btw. I know whereof I speak.)
***I'd actually read that tumblr, tbh.