Canada. Are we sure it exists, or is it just North Minnesota? What is with Canadians and their hockey (at least it's not soccer), their maple syrup, their socialized medicine, their notorious niceness, their mystifying political system (what is this thing called a governor-general?), their tolerance of (we shudder) French? With all that, even mentioning "eh" is low-hanging fruit, amirite?
But of all the many perplexities (and hilarious SCTV alumni) that Canada has tried to foist on its mightier, less niveous neighbo(u)r, the worst by far is its current president prime minister, Liberal Party leader Justin Trudeau.
Under Trudeau's nearly decade-long regime, he has turned Canada into a wintry wasteland of wokery. Soon after taking office in 2015, Trudeau disgraced himself and his country by praising dead Cuban despot Fidel Castro as a "remarkable leader," sparking the "debunked" "conspiracy theory" that "Trudeau" is Castro's son.
Over the years, Trudeau has been embroiled in multiple ethics scandals, given himself dictatorial power (doin' Dad proud!) to crack down on truckers protesting his COVID vaccine mandates, and mansplained to a young woman that "we like to say 'peoplekind,' not necessarily 'mankind,' because it's more inclusive."
The only way the situation could be worse is if reports broke that Trudeau, a walking, talking DEI training course, has worn blackface so often that he can't even say how many times… Oh wait.
But the light shineth in the darkness even of a Nunavut December, and this light takes the form of Canadian Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre.
Despite the French name, Poilievre has been a tough and effective leader of the anti-Trudeau opposition, declaring himself a "true conservative"—in Canada!—who supports low taxes, small government, and free speech.
He, not being foolish, also doesn't go around insulting the United States and its president-elect.
Trudeau, meanwhile, is facing an intraparty revolution. His deputy, Chrystia Freeland, stunned the country by resigning in mid-December, flouting Canada's usual political politesse to say that Canadians "know when we are working for them, and they equally know when we are focused on ourselves." Ouch. Now, calls for Trudeau’s own resignation are reaching fever pitch. Should he fail to answer them, he could face the most ignominious end for a prime minister, a no-confidence vote in the House of Commons, which would force him out.
However Trudeau goes—resignation, no-confidence vote, American invasion of Ottawa—Poilievre is on-track to win big, with the Conservatives polling so well against the Liberals that he will almost certainly be Trudeau's successor.
So let's raise our beers, cook some back bacon, and salute Pierre Poilievre as the toppler of Trudeau the Terrible, a conservative who will Make Canada (Relatively) Great Again, a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year, and the next governor of America's soon-to-be 51st state.
