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Chris Brown's Movie Flops, a Nation Rejoices

Rihanna, because I'm not putting Chris Brown's face on my website. (AP)
September 23, 2013

I don't often wish financial ruin on an artist because of their moral failings. But I make a special exception for Chris Brown, who is arguably one of the worst people on the planet.

To recap:

  • Chris Brown savagely beat his girlfriend Rihanna;
  • After having savagely beaten his girlfriend Rihanna used the line "I promise I won't beat you" to pick up women;
  • Exploded in violence at a television show because it dared ask him questions about having savagely beaten his girlfriend;
  • Stole a fan's phone—but, oddly, didn't savagely beat her—when she took a video of him;
  • Tried to savagely beat another musical artist who dared stand up for the girlfriend Chris Brown had savagely beaten.

Chris Brown is a scumbag and it's totally okay to cheer for him to fail. Now that we've established that: Good news, everyone! Chris Brown failed miserably this weekend!

Chris Brown's "Battle of the Year" was no match for the combined power of Jake Gyllenhaal, Hugh Jackman, critical praise and post-Toronto International Film Festival buzz. "Prisoners" became the #1 movie in America over the weekend with a $21.4 million box-office debut, more than four times the $5 million generated by Brown's 3-D dance flick.

One can only hope that this is the first in a long string of failures for Chris Brown, noted savage beating expert. We should revel in his misery and hope that Hollywood takes notice and refuses to cast him in anything ever again and that the music industry decides that he's not worth putting up with and people point at him on the street and laugh and laugh and laugh and that he crawls into a deep dark hole and never shows his despicable, woman-beating face ever again.