Dear Patriots,

You are exclusively invited to give us your money in exchange for a rare limited edition digital collectible trading card by the Washington Free Beacon.

These are just like baseball cards, but you collect them digitally, on your computer or phone. All you need is an email address, credit card, Social Security number, and long-form birth certificate to start collecting. For the dangerously low price of just $98, you can instantly join a new league of collectors.

"Upton Girl, Living in Her Neocon World"

"Drill, Dick, Drill!"

"Daddy Knows Best"

"Welcome to Hell, Bitch"

"Are You a Kredophile?"

"Epstein's Last Breath"

• A one-week vacation to the Bahamas. Tour the rat-infested jail where crypto fraudster and "depressed vegan" Sam Bankman-Fried is detained while awaiting extradition and throw delicious meat at him. 

• 30-minute Zoom coffee session with immigrant billionaire Elon Musk, who will let you permanently ban up to 10 people of your choice from Twitter. 

• Want a thick neck? Enjoy a lifetime supply of Dr. Richard Harambe's proprietary FAT NECK™ gelatin capsules. 

• And MUCH MUCH MORE!

Do you love freedom? Prove it by signing up for a VIP Exclusive Founding Membership. Join today and save nothing!