What’s Racist, What’s Not (As of Friday, Oct. 3, 2014)

(Daniel Lobo, flickr)

Liberals tend to devote a significant portion of their daily lives to proving how not racist they are. One particularly expedient way of doing this is to declare that something a conservative has said or done is totally racist, and then to place oneself in opposition to the thing that was racist: “See, I’m not a racist!”

As result, the List of Things That Are Racist has grown incomprehensibly long. The Free Beacon‘s devotion to public service obligates us to provide this (non-exhaustive by any means) list of what liberals do and do not consider to be racist.

Things That Are Racist

Stephen Colbert Rips Off Liberal Blogger In DISGUSTING Attack on Female Journalist

AP

Earlier this week, former comedian Stephen Colbert launched a disgusting attack on hardworking female reporter Alana Goodman, who recently uncovered correspondence between Hillary Clinton and left-wing radical Saul Alinsky. Liberals immediately sought to discredit Goodman’s work, presumably because she is female. Being a devoted liberal and friend of the Clintons, the Colbert Report host was obligated to pile on.

Unfortunately, Colbert and his team of writers couldn’t even be bothered to come up with original “jokes” for the segment, and resorted to plagiarizing a member of the left-wing blogosphere, a community renowned for its sophisticated sense of humor. In the course of mocking Goodman’s female reporting, Colbert said:

Obama’s Failed Presidency Has Ruined My Love Life

Love killer.

AR-RAQQA, Islamic State—It’s hard to put into words how much I enjoy waking up to the smell of dead terrorists. It is a feeling matched only by the exhilaration of waking up next to a woman. Any woman. Unfortunately for Biff (me), the former experience has become far more common than the latter. Barack Hussein Obama has ruined my love life.

Being a bachelor in the Obama era wasn’t always a bummer. During the 2008 campaign, I found love at every rally I attended. And let me tell you, I needed some love. Divorce number five was in the works. I was physically and emotionally exhausted after spending the better part of 2007 in caves. I had scurvy.

Ready for (Mecha)Hillary: U.S. Military Developing High-Tech Exoskeleton

(AP)

The U.S. military is developing a high-tech exoskeleton that would allow mobility-challenged individuals to perform everyday tasks with little to no effort, the Washington Post reports. The news is yet another indication that elderly homeowner Hillary Clinton will run for president in 2016.

The so-called FORTIS suit, developed by Lockheed Martin, is being touted as   “human augmentation for the 21st century,” and promises to increase strength, endurance, and productivity. According to the Lockheed website:

FORTIS exoskeleton transfers loads through the exoskeleton to the ground in standing or kneeling positions and allows operators to use heavy tools as if they were weightless. An advanced ergonomic design moves naturally with the body and adapts to different body types and heights. Using the Equipois zeroG® arm, operators can effortlessly hold objects up to 36 pounds, increasing productivity by reducing muscle fatigue and avoiding muscle injury.