Earlier this week, former comedian Stephen Colbert launched a disgusting attack on hardworking female reporter Alana Goodman, who recently uncovered correspondence between Hillary Clinton and left-wing radical Saul Alinsky. Liberals immediately sought to discredit Goodman’s work, presumably because she is female. Being a devoted liberal and friend of the Clintons, the Colbert Report host was obligated to pile on.
Unfortunately, Colbert and his team of writers couldn’t even be bothered to come up with original “jokes” for the segment, and resorted to plagiarizing a member of the left-wing blogosphere, a community renowned for its sophisticated sense of humor. In the course of mocking Goodman’s female reporting, Colbert said:
The 2016 frontrunner for the Democratic nomination is an affluent 66-year-old grandmother named Hillary Clinton, the Free Beacon has learned. She is pictured below (seated, obviously).
AR-RAQQA, Islamic State—It’s hard to put into words how much I enjoy waking up to the smell of dead terrorists. It is a feeling matched only by the exhilaration of waking up next to a woman. Any woman. Unfortunately for Biff (me), the former experience has become far more common than the latter. Barack Hussein Obama has ruined my love life.
Being a bachelor in the Obama era wasn’t always a bummer. During the 2008 campaign, I found love at every rally I attended. And let me tell you, I needed some love. Divorce number five was in the works. I was physically and emotionally exhausted after spending the better part of 2007 in caves. I had scurvy.
The U.S. military is developing a high-tech exoskeleton that would allow mobility-challenged individuals to perform everyday tasks with little to no effort, the Washington Post reports. The news is yet another indication that elderly homeowner Hillary Clinton will run for president in 2016.
The so-called FORTIS suit, developed by Lockheed Martin, is being touted as “human augmentation for the 21st century,” and promises to increase strength, endurance, and productivity. According to the Lockheed website:
FORTIS exoskeleton transfers loads through the exoskeleton to the ground in standing or kneeling positions and allows operators to use heavy tools as if they were weightless. An advanced ergonomic design moves naturally with the body and adapts to different body types and heights. Using the Equipois zeroG® arm, operators can effortlessly hold objects up to 36 pounds, increasing productivity by reducing muscle fatigue and avoiding muscle injury.
Did you see Hillary Clinton’s “surprise” appearance on The Colbert Report last night? It’s all the cool kids are talking about, and the reviews are unanimous:
Let me start by saying this: I missed you too.* It’s been an invigorating couple of months since I last penned words on this page. Damascus. Donetsk. Monte Carlo. I’ve seen some things, folks. I’m ready to relax.
But I can’t.
Relaxed is the last thing I felt when I heard Ew Yuck City mayor Bill de Blasio wants to LIFT THE FERRET BAN. And wouldn’t you know? The Free Beacon’s coverage has been criminally negligent. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed the probing articles about the D.C. music scene. I just can’t abide an allegedly pro-freedom blog sit idly by as a Marxist madman runs this country into the ground.
Ronan Farrow, wunderkind host of Ronan Farrow Daily on MSNBC, tweeted a terrible “joke” on Wednesday:
New York Times columnist Paul Krugman on Tuesday formally endorsed the Democratic midterm strategy, spearheaded by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D., Nev.), of demonizing the libertarian philanthropy barons Charles and David Koch. Liberals are so worked up about the Kochs, they recently protested outside a New York City hospital that received a $100 million donation from David Koch, who Reid has described as “un-American” and “against everything that’s good for America.
Under the headline, “Things Go Better With Kochs,” which, as Krugman explains, it exceedingly clever—Koch is pronounced “coke,” as in Coca Cola, a soft drink company whose slogan in the 1960s was “Things go better with Coke”—the Nobel Prize winning scholar writes: