THE LAST STRAW: Chuck Hagel’s Disgraceful Exit Reveals Free Beacon’s Moral Decay

Good riddance.

FERGUSON, Mo. — A couple of weeks ago I was on a date with a lovely woman of the goth persuasion. I was doing pretty well—naturally—and she invited me to her apartment in Brooklyn, where she put on some music to set the mood.

And when I heard the first few chords of Green Day’s soft-core punk anthem “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life),” I began to weep uncontrollably.

Not because the song elicits memories of my days purging Eastern Europe of Soviet meatheads. Not because I wanted to invite the sympathy of my companion, to feel the bristles of her Elvira wig against my cheek, her black-painted nails pressed into my shoulder.

No. I wept for America.