ADVERTISEMENT

2018 Oscar Nominations: A Good Year For Fish-F*king

Rumpled Casey should be a meme. (Getty)
January 23, 2018

The Oscar nominations are out! Some thoughts, in no particular order:

  • The Shape of Water—a movie about forbidden fishman love—racking up 13 nominations makes a lot of sense when you think about it in these terms:

   Ladies and gentlemen, we have your frontrunner!

  • "As a work of dramatic art, however, The Shape of Water is utterly inert. The deck is mercilessly, remorselessly stacked in favor of its misfit heroes, their enemies bigots of every variety, their softhearted goals undeniably just. There is never any doubt who will win, or for whom we are supposed to cheer. It is uncomplicated and boring, an R-rated morality play that pretends its adult-oriented language and sexuality are a variety of sophistication. It is truly a fairy tale for adults: It's intellectually shallow, sure, but at least it's explicit."Me, being right about The Shape of Water a month or so back. Of course it's going to win.
  • I didn't like Three Billboards or The Shape of Water, but I'd prefer Three Billboards to win best picture if only because it'll annoy all the right people.
  • The biggest surprise had to be Darkest Hour taking a best picture nomination. I have a hard time believing five percent of the voters picked ... that ... as their best picture of the year. But they call it Oscar bait for a reason! Oh, and it totally screws Dunkirk. Huzzah.
  • That being said, I still hope Gary Oldman wins best actor. He's legitimately great as Churchill and while I admire the Academy for nominating an actor who played a teenage boy that suffered from sexual predation at the hands of an older man in this, the age of Kevin Spacey, Chalamet has many years of award-contending roles ahead of him. This is Oldman's time.
  • Wait, sorry, the biggest surprise is actually Denzel Washington getting a nomination for Roman J. Israel, Esq. I mean. Come on.
  • I told you Wonder Woman wasn't a best-picture-worthy film, and I was right. That being said, Patty Jenkins definitely deserved a best director nod over Greta Gerwig, who directed a very nice sitcom in Lady Bird.
  • Needless to say, Gerwig is going to win instead of someone who deserves it.
  • Woody Harrelson > Sam Rockwell.
  • I saw some folks complaining about The Lego Batman Movie not getting an animated feature nomination. And I have to say, no snub made me happier today. Goddamn that movie was a soul-sucking death march of mediocrity and self-aware hackiness and corporate synergy. How anyone sat through that dreck without wishing for a swift and merciful death is beyond me.
  • Roger Deakins will probably get screwed again, somehow. The fish-fucking movie will take his win away, I just know it.

I dunno, that's all I got for now. I can't wait to watch in a few weeks as Dunkirk gets screwed by the Academy. Yay.