Loser: Obama
Obviously.
Winner: America
The worst candidate in the history of American electoral politics—a carpetbagging would-be feudal lord whose husband's obscene, lucked-into wealth has been used to purchase mansions in multiple congressional districts in order to purchase a seat in the House of Representatives currently held by a war hero who lived in his district his whole life, except for when he was defending our freedoms—lost by 29.98 points last night. Now, granted, we here at the Free Beacon said that Sean Eldridge losing by anything less than 30 points would be a defeat for America. But I'm willing to round up if you are. USA! USA! USA!
Loser: Tom Steyer
The first rule in politics is that it's impossible to spend enough money to convince people to care about something they don't care about at all. The reason the NRA is a success while anti-gun groups are all failures has little to do with money and everything to do with the fact that Americans don't actually care about gun control—except for the people who are really, really opposed to it. Ditto with the environment: No one actually cares about global warming except for the people who are really, really worried about it. But a.) you don't need to spend money to get those people to the polls, and, more important, b.) there aren't very many of them. Pouring money into Senate races in an effort to defeat the Keystone XL pipeline—an actually-popular thing—is about as useful as lighting said money on fire.
Winner: Chris Christie
The GOP winning the Senate was big, but kind of expected. The GOP winning governorships in the People's Republics of Maryland and Illinois, however, was not. These wins, combined with Scott Walker winning his third election in four years (more on that in a moment), suggests that the Chris Christie and the Republican Governors Association did a heckuva job this cycle. I'm not sure that'll win him plaudits from rank and file GOP voters. But I bet the donor class will remember.
Loser: Progressive Tear Ducts
I find the progressive hatred for Scott Walker to be completely and utterly fascinating. I guess they're bothered by the fact that he's managed to show that their worldview is horribly broken and that he has done much to disrupt the power of public sector unions—one of the most malignant forces in state and local politics—in his state. But man. You'd think he personally spit in each and every one of their faces by the way the left gnashes their teeth every time he kicks their butts.
Winner: Lovers of Fine Art
Go on, act like you're not impressed:
Loser: Rand Paul
On the one hand, he was a potent force on the campaign trail for shaky GOP candidates. On the other, though, is this reaction from his dad last night as hawks in Arkansas and Iowa picked up big wins:
Republican control of the Senate = expanded neocon wars in Syria and Iraq. Boots on the ground are coming!
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) November 5, 2014
You can tell me that the father isn't the son all you want. But when you've got a rabid dog you either can't or refuse to muzzle, everyone associated with that dog looks bad when he bites someone.
Winner: The Ace of Spades Election Desk
Consistently right earlier and more often than any of the big media outlets, it was literally the only outlet I (and many others like me) were watching for race calls. Brandon Finnigan has done a helluva job over there.