Satire

New York Times Perfects the Art of Grievance Journalism

The New York Times is in disarray as company leadership struggles to confront an insurgency of young staffers demanding the publication abandon all pretense of being anything other than an instrument of progressive political activism.

According to Times media columnist Ben Smith, when the paper's opinion editor James Bennet was ousted after publishing what was described as a "dangerous" op-ed by Sen. Tom Cotton (R., Ark.), two employees "reacted in Slack with a slackmoji of the word ‘guillotine.'"

Some employees active with the company's union even "compiled a Google document of articles they found objectionable to present to editors." The project was ultimately abandoned, but may nevertheless be a preview of things to come in the increasingly tempestuous field of professional journalism.

In recent days, the Times‘s reporting has sought to reflect prevailing social justice trends by identifying interview subjects by race and other indicators of privilege in addition to the usual details such as age and location. For example: a "veteran with a disability … who is black," and "a 33-year-old from Doylestown who recently lost her grandmother to the coronavirus … who is white."

Perhaps the Times is onto something, and even well-known political figures should be described as such:

Joe Biden, an elderly man of Irishx descent who boasts several prominent black friends and was recently promoted despite suffering from noticeable cognitive deficiencies…

Elizabeth Warren, a female-identifying U.S. senator who is 1/1064th Cherokee and was recently passed over for a promotion awarded to a white man who is currently considering her for an assistant-level position…

Bernie Sanders, an elderly Brooklyn-born cis male Jew who represents one of the whitest states in the country…

Stacey Abrams, a proud black woman whose self-declared status as the rightful governor of Georgia has yet to be recognized by "society" writ large…

Amy Klobuchar, a New York Times-endorsed white female whose failed presidential campaign was best known for her virulent criticism of homosexual candidate Pete Buttigieg, and who might miss out on a promising job opportunity because her so-called "controversial" record as county prosecutor is receiving a level of undue scrutiny that is all too common among female applicants…

Hillary Clinton, an elderly white woman who lost a pivotal election despite carrying hot sauce in her purse, and who is widely suspected of murdering one of the world's most notorious pedophiles, but not in a good way…