What happened: Martha Stewart, 81, made history as the oldest person to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Wow!
Context: Stewart, a convicted felon, is even older than Joe Biden, the oldest president in American history. She was born in August 1941, several months before the infamous Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.
What it means: There's no escaping it, folks. We're gonna have ourselves a Hot Octogenarian Summer in the USA. It'll be the first of its kind in our nation's history, and another giant leap on the road to progress. Until now, our society has been reluctant to celebrate hot elderly bodies the way we celebrate morbidly obese bodies or bodies that are actually beautiful.
Bring it on: Hot Octogenarian Summer officially starts on June 21. Make sure you are mentally, emotionally, and intellectually prepared to ogle some sexy geezers the way they deserve to be ogled, flashing some skin in the sand as the sun goes down—on their lives.
Joe Biden (80)
Nancy Pelosi (83)
Chuck Grassley (89)
Dianne Feinstein (89)
BONUS: Henry Kissinger (99)