The most enjoyable quality of the gals of Total Divas is their self-awareness. In an episode that God clearly intended for me to recap, last night’s chapter was all about two things.
Number one: boobs.
The synonyms I learned last night: bad boys, twin magic, twins, boobies, puppies, Janice, and mosquito bites.
Second thing I learned: how divas use bad boys in the WWE.
The Bellas were hired because two catty girls are better than one. But for the first time since the zygote split in half, one twin did not look exactly like the other. Can you spot the difference?
In preparation for their comeback tour, Nikki tinkered with her chest, hence making it easier for us to tell the sisters apart.
Thank you for making my job easier, Nikki.
**That's Nikki if you were wondering**
While Nikki gets work done, Brie works out.
Why have just one bad role model when you can have two?
In an effort to keep up with the Joneses, Ariane goes to a breast augmentation consultation, using Trinity for moral support.
Following last week’s drama, we learn that the Janice of Total Divas is betrothed to Dr. Evil in a decade-long engagement. She also doubles as an armrest.
Common law marriages are outlawed in Florida, so Nattie wants the real McCoy so she can invite all her work friends, like The Great Khali, The Miz, and Tamina Snuka, to the wedding. TJ, calling marriage nothing but "a piece of paper," decides to appease Nattie by taking her to a courthouse. She reacts as you'd expect.
In yet another display of fine role-modeling, after repelling Nattie’s sexual and spiritual commitments, TJ makes amends with his emotionally abused girlfriend using alcohol and roses.
At that week’s Raw, Ariane takes her loaner boobs to work. But the implants must be filled with venom since Nikki, desiring to be the only diva with false cans, steals one of Ariane’s prosthetics.
Ariane, scrambling before she goes on stage, resorts to strategies once deployed by a girl I knew in the seventh grade.
Nikki viciously enjoyed yanking the TP out of Ariane’s bra and using it to dab Ariane's tears of shame.
The lesson here is: Fake boobs work. For example, Nikki's wrangled John Cena, who popped in to make his contractually obligated appearance.
Great role models! Everyone!
