The month-long hiatus between championship Saturday and the National Championship Game is college football’s silly season. The four weeks in between Thanksgiving and New Years is when the coaching carousel spins fastest, with rival schools making it rain Scrooge McDuck money.
While Texas can offer Nick Saban an ownership stake in its personal broadcast network, some of the less prestigious schools need to resort to the NCAA job board. The University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux (that's insensitive to pacifist Sioux!), dumped coach Chris Mussman after a disappointing 31-34 record in six seasons.
UND has accepted 72 candidates for the position, including some bozo who wants to "chuck the pigskin" and cites his decade-long experience playing Madden as a qualification. Since I also play video games, I would like to throw my hat in the ring.
I’m a "can’t miss" coaching prospect after my days leading Penn State from its Orange Bowl winning season to four straight 10- win seasons and two National Championships.
I’m a master at misdirection. I wear a defense down with inside traps, counter treys, and tailback screens. Yeah, like that.
After the defense hunkers down by committing nine men in the box, I switch to running bootlegs and play action passes and bomb it down the sideline. Why chuck when you can bomb?
I know the importance of defense—no one likes the guy playing NCAA Football who never punts. We’re going to play a pressure defense by blitzing our nickelback and covering his absence with a solid cover 3 as our defensive line rushes the quarterback. Our linebacking corps will stay at home to cover the intermediate passes and scrape the edges generated by our line. Our offensive and defensive philosophies will mirror each other.
The Oregon Ducks have "Win the Day," the Notre Dame Fighting Irish have "Play like a Champion Today," and the Michigan Wolverines have "Go Blue." When I lead the North Dakota Fighting Sioux to consecutive Big Sky titles and national prominence, we'll be known by one word: Hungry.