Guys, things are really getting out of hand here. The government is (just barely) shut down. I don't know how much longer I'll have access to wifi. Please send help.
If you need to convince others, here's a quick guide to how we arrived at this point.
First, Harry Reid was all:
And for a minute, nothing happened. But then the ruffians figured out what was going on. Anarchy!
That poor old man. I couldn't save him. I didn't even bother trying.
Things were getting dicey. I had to take my dog out after midnight; in the distance, I heard the cries of warring gangs.
That was enough to convince me to hunker down. When I woke up in the morning, DC was barely recognizable; here's a photo I snapped with my iPhone (which is quickly running out of battery power, please, hurry!):
I also got word that the panda cam was shut off. Who knows what that deadly beast is up to?
I've hunkered down again, having linked up with the Free Beacon crew. Don't know how long we can last. Please, send supplies. And don't tell Biff Diddle where we are. I hate that guy.