ADVERTISEMENT

Debate Ties, RANKED

AP
November 10, 2015

Hard to say who won this debate. It was about a billion times better than the CNBC debate: the questions and answers were both more substantive, the moderators were far less aggravating, and the candidates did much less whining. Let's give the win to, I dunno, Fiorina. She seemed to do a good job. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Far more interesting to me were the ties worn by the candidates and the moderators. So let's rank them!

Moderator Division Winner

CTgH3ExWUAAGWs3

Neil Cavuto's not doing anything fancy here, but he crushed Gerard Baker, who appeared to have been wearing a skinny tie with a spread collar:

Screen Shot 2015-11-10 at 10.52.55 PM

No me gusta.

Not Ranked Because Not Wearing a Tie

Carly Fiorina (AP)
AP

I've decided that she resembles a Vulcan. That outfit didn't help. She still did really well tonight, though! I'd vote for her.

Worst

kasich's dumb tie
AP

John Kasich vexes me. He literally has no chance of winning and yet he drones on and on and on. That tie also vexes me. The knot is far too thin for the width of that collar. God, just go away.

Acceptable But Unremarkable

Ben Carson
AP

Good pattern work. Properly sized knot for the collar. Poor dimple control. Good performance, but definite room for improvement.

Classic WASP

wasp excellence
AP

This is a very good look all around: a properly sized knot for the collar, solid dimpling, nice glasses, good hair. Basically everything you're looking for from a dynastic mandarin frustrated that no one will give what is owed him.

Better Than His Nutty Dad, But Only Just

rand paul
AP

The most annoying thing about Ron Paul, at least to me, was never his totally batshit foreign policy or his predilection for indulging the conspiracy theorists who loved him. It was the fact that he never ever wore a suit coat that fit right. Rand is better than his Dad—not on the issues, necessarily, but on the clothing, certainly. That being said, his tie game still needs some work. Also, I'm pretty sure he had makeup smeared all over his coat for a decent portion of the debate. SMDH.

The Most Fabulous

fabulous
AP

Classy like you wouldn't believe.

Maybe button your jacket though, chief.

The Runner Up

rubio
AP

Excellent dimple. Collar's a bit too wide. But I like the solid red of the tie and the clean white of the shirt. It's a good look. Not as good as the next one, though.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Ted Cruz

Even The Liberal Glenn Kenny agrees:

Solid half-windsor with good dimple control. I probably wouldn't wear that pattern, but it certainly doesn't clash with anything. Learn more about his tie at TED CRUZ DOT ORG DON'T GO TO DOT COM OH GOD YOU ARE GOING THERE RIGHT NOW AREN'T YOU SMDH.

Published under: 2016 Election