They are virtually naked. Their unclothed bodies are blue. Their hair is long, and atop their heads they wear crowns of flowers.
Today is Earth Day. It is about 55 degrees and windy here in front of Union Station, where Ashley and Leeandrea of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have come to demonstrate peacefully in favor of veganism. They have painted their bodies to look like maps of the earth. Ashley has North and South America on her front and, I think, Africa going across the back, while Leeandrea’s torso is emblazoned with what I assume is Eurasia. It is hard to say for sure because I am mostly staring at the pavement.
A man in a black winter hat is sitting on their left not taking his eyes away. I don’t see any of their literature in his hand. Another guy approaches. I don’t like the dull, smutty look on his face.
"Can I touch?"
Without waiting for an answer, he puts his arms around their shoulders and poses for a selfie.
"Oh, yeah," says Ashley, "we’re pretty dry."
"Thaaaank you!" he says.
I’m a bit chilly in my shirt and trousers. With nothing on but thong underwear and a bit of tape in certain areas, they must be freezing, right?
"It’s a little cold. It’s not too bad, though," says Leeandrea.
"Even in the coldest weather, it’s worth it to get out there and do something to help animals," says Ashley.
I hesitate. It is very difficult to conduct an interview when you are too abashed to look at your subject.
"I hope it doesn’t rain on you," I say.
"We’ve gotten lucky so far," says Leeandrea.
"Well, it looks as if it’s going to rain," I say dully.
Ashley is pleased to hear that I am a reporter.
"I’m so glad you could come by," she says. "We want people to know that the easiest way and the most effective way for anyone to help the planet is by eating vegan. Most people don’t realize that the animal agriculture industry is responsible for more greenhouse gas emissions than all transportation in the world combined."
All of it?
"All of it. All the cars, trucks, ships in the world don’t produce as much harmful greenhouse gases as the meat industry. The meat industry is also a major culprit in every environmental disaster from local to global, according to the UN. We’re talking about social erosion, water pollution, water over-usage. It’s very empowering that this is such an easy step for people to take. Just by choosing a veggie burger instead of a burger at your next meal, you can have a big impact on the environment."
Now comes the hard question.
"So why have you chosen this … method to draw attention to your cause?"
"This is hard to miss," Ashley says, gesturing downward.
I maintain eye contact.
"Once we have people’s attention, we give them important facts, facts that might otherwise be too alarming for people to want to stop and think about. The fact that even just eating a chicken sandwich can produce the same amount of carbon dioxide emissions as driving 25 miles in a Hummer."
"No kidding?" I say.
"Yes! And doing something fun like this is great way to let people know and to get them our vegan starter kits."
I have admired PETA for many years, not only because I am an ex-vegetarian with some sympathies still in that direction. The thing I like most about them is the single-mindedness of their devotion. I can never think of PETA without recalling the passage on the Jesuits in Macaulay’s essay on Ranke’s History of the Popes in which the old Whig dog praises the Society for being "Inflexible in nothing but in their fidelity to the Church," willing to appeal to any second-order good, to seize upon any occasion in order to win converts and keep the faithful inside the fold. Global warming, sex appeal, vague ideas about "niceness," ethics, religion, fashion, music, government regulations, wasteful government spending—what Macaulay called "unscrupulous laxity and versatility in the choice of means": this is how you should serve a cause you believe in.
I mention this to Ashley—or try to do so. (I don’t actually quote Macaulay.) She seems to understand what I mean.
"Thank you. I appreciate that. The animals don’t care what side of the aisle you’re on!"
I notice my first drop of rain.