Thanks to a generous line of credit provided to me by Washington Free Beacon senior contributor Sir Wolfred Arthurson Summerfield-Platt VII, who is far richer than Donald Trump, I will be betting heavily on the NFL this season.
Though I will be taking multiple factors into consideration, my picks will be almost entirely swayed by how good looking the girls who root for the team are.
You can track how much of Sir Wolfred Arthurson Summerfield-Platt VII's money I am losing here throughout the season.
I took the Steeler's +7 last night; they miraculously scored a garbage-time touchdown to give me a push against the Super Bowl XLIX Champion* Patriots.
Here are the rest of my picks:
Green Pay Packers AT Chicago Bears.
PICK: Packers -7
Packer fans go hard and will be in Chicago. She will probably be wearing the same thing in Lambeau this winter.
Kansas City Chiefs AT Houston Texans
PICK: Chiefs +1
Hard Knocks-featured teams never cover in week 1.
Seattle Seahawks AT St. Louis Rams
PICK: Rams +4
The Rams always play the Seahawks tough at home, and now Chris Long is healthy again.
New Orleans Saints AT Arizona Cardinals
PICK: Saints +2.5
The game is in Arizona, but they will be getting hammered in New Orleans anyway. Always bet on Brees.
Cleveland Browns AT New York Jets
PICK: Jets -3
Eric Decker is coming back recharged after a nice summer with his wife Jessie James. Plus, the Browns are keeping American hero Johnnie Football on the bench, so they have no chance.
Tennessee Titans AT Tampa Bay Buccaneers
PICK: Bucs -3
Jameis Winston, MVP frontrunner.
New York Giants AT Dallas Cowboys
PICK: Cowboys -6.5
No hotter fanbase in the country than for the Cowboys. Also, the Giants are going to be awful this season and have no chance of stopping Dez Bryant.
Philadelphia Eagles AT Atlanta Falcons
PICK: Eagles -3
He's not even on the team, but he should be.
Cincinnati Bengals AT Oakland Raiders
PICK: Raiders +3
Jimena Sanchez loves the Raiders, and that is good enough for me. Rev the Carr, Raiders.
*That Super Bowl doesn't really count because they are cheaters.