5 Things the Eisenhower Memorial Tapestry Actually Looks Like

Yesterday saw the ceremonial groundbreaking for the Dwight D. Eisenhower Park for Lost Tourists. As has been reported, the Eisenhower memorial project has been a mess from the beginning, and now in the usual silly ceremony of shiny shovels shoved into dirt the mess is moving from the noumenal to the phenomenal—it’s not just a …

Time for Hollywood to Retire the Icky, Horrible Suburbs Trope (New Substandard!)

In the latest episode of The Substandard, we talked a bit more about Halloween—my expertly drafted mix of sugar and chocolate decisively CRUSHED Jonathan V. Last in the candy draft vote, it should be noted—and I ranted about Suburbicon and Hollywood’s reliance on the wicked, evil, no good very bad suburbs as a setting and plot device. A bit more on that after the embed:

I Counted 14 Quotes From Anonymous Sources In This Vanity Fair Story

Vanity Fair’s Gaberiel Sherman published a bombshell story Wednesday saying the president’s allies fear that impeachment or removal from office is a real possibility. MSNBC covered Sherman’s bombshell report as “breaking news.” When I was reading the story, I started counting up all of the anonymous sources Sherman quotes. It was a rare instance for Sherman actually to name his …

Barack Obama’s Broken Rules

The subject line of the email read, “My four rules.” It was from Barack Obama, regarding this week’s inaugural summit of the Obama Foundation in Chicago. Not having been lectured to by Obama in, oh, about a week, I opened the link.

“In true dad fashion,” Obama writes, “I came up with a set of rules” to guide the activities of the foundation, participants in its summit, and you, too. “I think they’re relevant to our everyday lives.” Maybe. They don’t seem to have been entirely relevant to Barack Obama’s presidential life, though. He observed only one of them.

Ralph Northam’s Nervous Campaign

Next Tuesday’s election between Republican Ed Gillespie and Democrat Ralph Northam is going to be a blowout, according to the polls. The only remaining uncertainty is who will be on the winning side—two polls from reputable institutions came out this past week, one showing Gillespie with an 8 point lead and another showing Northam with a 17 point lead. …

Halloween Candy Mock Draft (New Substandard!)

It’s Halloween next week, so Vic, JVL, and I decided to do something a little different on the latest episode of The Substandard (Subscribe! Review!). Instead of doing something gauche like ranking the candies—pfft—we decided to kick it up a notch and have a mock candy draft. That’s right, we’re stealing a decade-old bit from a nearly defunct football blog! Say we’re not innovators one more time, I dare you, I double dare you, motherf—er.

Anyway, after the embed, I’ll reveal the final drafted teams (mine is the best, obviously) and offer up a Bottom Three Halloween Treats. SPOILERS FOR THE PODCAST, obviously. Don’t read if you want to learn who wins each delicious candy treat in real time.

What Kind of Monster Doesn’t Like Sandwiches? (New Substandard!)

In the latest episode of the Substandard (subscribe, review, etc.), we were supposed to spend most of the show talking about aging action stars, tied to the release of The Foreigner. The show took a turn, however, when Vic and I learned that JVL hates sandwiches.

Let that sink in for a moment.

OK, now that you’re prepared—now that you’ve steeled yourself against an unnameable grotesquerie—give the show a listen. I can’t promise you won’t be disgusted by what you hear, but you might be entertained. After the jump, I’ll rank the lunch meats for JVL so he can learn how to truly enjoy the greatness of a fine, handcrafted sandwich.

Who Is the Best Sports Wife? (New Substandard!)

In the latest micro-episode of The Substandard, we discussed which sports wife is best: Jane Skinner, Kate Upton, or Brooklyn Decker. AND WE DID IT ON VIDEO. I hated literally every single second of it, as you can see here. If you just want to listen, like a civilized person, check out the embed below.