Tales of Christmas Past: Festive Excerpts from the Diary of Biff Diddle

Note: The following passages are excerpted from “The Twelve Days of Biffmas,” a holiday-themed chapter in the forthcoming self-published memoir “Diddle Me This,” by Free Beacon Ombudsman Biff Diddle. Enjoy! Former Yugoslavia, 1993 “I’m just not the marrying type,” I told her once the shelling had waned. She started to respond, but I cut her off. …

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13 Dark Horse Candidates for White House Chief of Staff

President Trump is having a hard time finding a new chief of staff to run his White House, and he is reportedly “super pissed” about it. That’s only natural for a proven leader with high standards. But until the perfect candidate (Hope Hicks) comes to her senses and accepts the job, here are a few …

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Jim Acosta Honored to Be Named Time Magazine’s ‘Person of the Year’

BREAKING: Journalists have given themselves another award! Shortly before the most objectively influential and inspiring person on the planet, President Donald Trump, owned lib leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer in an Oval Office debate smackdown, TIME Magazine announced its choice for 2018 “Person of the Year.” And the winner is: “The Guardians and the …

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Dreaming of a World More Like Wakanda

Black Panther

Far be it from me to complain about people who pine for a fantasy world that is superior to our own, but I am kind of curious if California Senator Kamala Harris really thought through this tweet: “We know that if we want to live in a world that looks more like Wakanda, the first …

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USA Today Hit Piece on Kyler Murray Continues Disturbing Trend

Quarterback Kyler Murray won the Heisman Trophy on Saturday after leading Oklahoma to a College Football Playoff berth. It was a great night for an amazing athlete as he joined one of the most hallowed lists in American sports.

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Operation Northern Shield: A Notch in Israel’s Belt

Israeli soldiers gathering by an army vehicle across the concrete Lebanon-Israel border wall near the site of an Israeli excavation site

Operation Northern Shield is a victory for Israel. In the early morning hours of Tuesday, Dec. 4, Israel’s military thwarted a Hezbollah plan to attack the country through tunnels. Israel revealed the first tunnel that day. It has since found two others. The Israel Defense Forces estimate there are 10 such tunnels.

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This Is the Christmas Liberals Want

Thank God for Donald J. Trump. In addition to owning libs on the reg, our president has quite literally rescued Christmas from the brink of extinction. In the War of Liberal Aggression Against Christmas (WLAAC), the 2016 election was the Battle of Stalingrad—a valiant and improbable victory for patriotic forces over a ruthless and determined …

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The ‘Christmas Prince’ Is a Totalitarian Despot of a Third-World Hellhole

For reasons I refuse to disclose, I watched Netflix’s A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding this weekend. The movie is the second in the series of movies about a nonthreatening conventionally attractive journalist named Amber, who goes undercover to interview Richard, the prince of a generic European country called Aldovia. Spoilers: they fall in love. …

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2018 WAFCA Winners

As a film critic of medium-low importance, one of my most sacred duties is participating in the Washington Area Film Critics Association (WAFCA) year-end awards extravaganza. During this hallowed time of year, I watch dozens of movies and mine my own recollection of the good, the bad, and the ugly to determine what, precisely, the best films of the year were. At the end of this grueling process—this death march through endless stacks of DVDs, searching for the rarest pearl in an ever-increasing sea of muck—we WAFCA members nominate up to five films/people in each category. The five films/people who earn the most votes in every category are then voted upon by the whole of the membership, the winners are chosen, the press release is sent out, and blessed, blessed relief descends upon us as we put the exercise to rest for 11 months.

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Elizabeth Warren’s Jumbled Foreign Policy

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D., Mass.) has a new essay in Foreign Affairs outlining her platform for a new American foreign policy. Titled “A Foreign Policy for All: Strengthening Democracy—at Home and Abroad,” the piece is trite, at times contradictory, and includes policy proposals that would endanger American national security.

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Media Spread Nonexistent Racist Hate Crime on Eve of Mississippi Election

A local Mississippi NBC affiliate reported shocking news Monday morning. “Nooses, hate signs found at Mississippi State Capitol” read the headline of the initial WLBT story, which likewise referred in the body of its piece to “several hate signs … found hanging at the Mississippi State Capitol Monday morning around 7:15 a.m.” It didn’t take long …

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Too Legit To Mitt: A Verse Epic

All Hail The God King Romney! A shadow has been lifted A rider hastens from the West The ashen sands have shifted Victory his only quest  Forsaken once before By citizens unwise Our faith he shall restore Arrest our ship’s demise For love of sport By duty bound To stand athwart He shall be crowned  …

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Dispatches From The Hipster Coffee Scene: An Eye-Opening Investigation

The elite mainstream media is hopelessly cocooned in its Acela corridor bubble, and blinded its by anti-Trump hysteria. They can’t possibly convey an accurate assessment of the political zeitgeist in Real America. This can only be achieved through enterprising, shoe-leather reporting from that most politically fertile of venues: the hipster coffee shop. I was in …

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The Laughable Hypocrisy of the Echo Chamber

Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman and President Donald Trump

Remember the neocons? Those promoters of democracy and human rights in foreign policy, adherents of Andrei Sakharov’s mantra that “a country that does not respect the rights of its own people will not respect the rights of its neighbors”? The neocons can criticize Trump today. Everyone else is posturing, and their hypocrisy is too annoying to go unnoticed.

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The Great Thanksgiving Accord of 2018: How I Made Peace With My Over-Educated, Under-Achieving, Functionally Worthless, Left-Wing Dorkwad Nephew

My fellow Americans: It’s that time of year again when families come together to give thanks and own our lib relatives in drunken arguments about politics. In 2018, we have a lot to be thankful for: Donald Trump is president, the economy is booming, ISIS is defeated, North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat, …

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