This has been banging around a few weeks, but it can't be overstated: There are Fast and Furious clothes you can wear in real life.
In advance of the release of Fast and Furious 6: Should Be A Federal Government Holiday, your neighborhood G by GUESS retailer will stock its shelves with many, many sleeveless vests.
Generally speaking, this is how we already dress in the hallowed halls of the Washington Free Beacon—as we say, "If it ain’t as high and tight as a Bob Gibson brush-back pitch, just give up" —but there’s just something about the allure of the 16-to-23-year-old-targeted off-shoot of the GUESS label.
If you've never seen any of these cinematic classics—and you can admit it, it's just the two of us—the F&F franchise has more or less one female character. And all she has wanted to do for, like, a decade is buy some groceries at night. Jordana Brewster dresses generally like this in that role:
You know, cool. Normal. Functional. The Israeli thief, the Brazilian cop, and Michelle Rodriguez more or less dress this way also. But over the years, hundreds of female cardiologists and litigators have materialized in the middle of night to discuss German austerity and the ethics of drone warfare while grinding near a car. And who can blame them, really? And what are they going to wear?
Well, thanks to G by GUESS, now you can dress just like them.
Anyway, enough of this, let's do it to it. It's time to take off at least three layers and idly dance next to an idling car, girl.
Here we have, you know, Stan and Gretchen giving you the general thrust of the thing. Tiny hats, tiny leather jackets, and if the jeans don't have rips, the leggings do.
She looks so sexy she's about to be crushed to death by two cars, y'all. Like moths to a flame, ayo. With its tactful cutouts, this white shift doubles for daytime occasions (work, church, brunch with friends) and routine car maintenance.
At left, you can wear a deep-v and ripped jeans.
You can dress like a giant Mike and Ike. I'm sorry. I'm being unserious. This is the one look in the collection that actually borders on trendy. Justin Bieber actually does dress like a medium-sized Mike and Ike.
Don't fret, y'all. Girls can also dress like Justin Bieber. This is some wave of feminism, I guess?
Or you can wear all white. Her shirt says "Fast & Furious," which will be useful for anyone who wants to attend a House Oversight hearing in thematically consistent apparel.
Or put on another vest and, er, pensively stare into a darkened garage. So many vests. This one has a checkered pattern in it, like a race flag, because of ... cars.
This one you can do at home: Throw on your leather leggings, a yoga top you got at Target, and one of those bags you throw delicates in when doing the laundry, and go order a round of SoCo limes. Sweet nothing, sweet nothing, etc.
Or you can also randomly dress like it is 2001 and you're Michelle Branch.
So there it is. The Fast and Furious 6 clothing line. Heads up: I will be wearing the all-red get up when I see the movie the first time.
(I definitely will be seeing at least twice because, un-ironically, Fast Five was my favorite movie of 2011. I'll leave you with "Danza Kuduro," which is great and should have been on Top 40 radio.)