Rise up, America! This weekend is one of the few times our nation comes together united, as we will select our smoke representative who will face off against the rest of the civilized world’s smokes in the global smoke competition known as Miss Universe.
It is, need I say, the most wonderful time of the year.
It’s Miss U.S.A. 2014, y’all.
Since I don’t want my readers to go into Saturday’s competition blind, I’ve narrowed down the 51 contestants to 21 and, over the next three days, I’ll count down to my favorite to succeed Erin Brady and represent the Red, White, and Blue.
21) Miss Tennessee USA Kristy Landers Niedenfuer
Kristy was once a member of the circus.
20) Miss Washington USA Allyson Rowe
According to her bio video, Allyson is an opponent of human trafficking because she was almost a victim herself.
19) Miss Vermont USA Gina Bernasconi
Gina is a burn victim and it took many years for her to rebuild her confidence before rejoining the pageant circuit.
18) Miss North Dakota USA Audra Mari
What's the difference between a beauty queen and a hockey player? A lot of things actually. That's why Audra is one of my stand-outs.
17) Miss Arkansas USA Helen Wisner
Not only is Helen a first grade teacher, she is also adopted.
16) Miss Iowa USA Carlyn Bradarich
Carlyn comes from beauty pageant royalty. Her sister was once Miss Illinois.
15) Miss Illinois USA Lexi Atkins
When she's not competing in pageants, Lexi is an actress. Her latest film, "Zombeavers," was a selection at the Tribeca Film Festival.
Stay tuned for #14 through #8!