Being a bro is a taxing endeavor, both on the liver and on the wallet. The nightly bar and club scene becomes Groundhog Day set on the Jersey Shore: same bar, same drink, different faces. That type of slog can snuff out even the strongest band of bros' esprit de corps.
That’s why enterprising bros have moved on to social sports such as kickball to escape the doldrums of dollar beer nights at McNasty’s. Social sports are Bro Shang-Ri La.
Bros compete in boyhood games wearing pastel t-shirts that earn them ridiculous Bud Light pitcher specials, all in an effort to score off the field with their lady competition. Bonus points for stealing bases off multiple teams in a single season.
You can imagine a bro's euphoria when this is his cheering section.
American Honey, the syrupy whiskey label, took the next step and launched the first ever Bar-sity Kickball World Championships. Bros and lady-bros square off for a grand prize of $10,000, enough for each bro to afford an Xbox One and a twelve-pack of Natty Light. It doesn't get better than that.
To distract from the fact that American Honey tastes like cough syrup, there are the American Honeys. American Honeys wear short-shorts and tote pledge paddles lined with shots of the swill. I would have actually rushed a frat in school if this was how it was gonna go down.
For the Bar-sity World Championships, the American Honeys had to pull OT. Maria, for example, participated in bubble soccer.
Sheena lent a hand.
American Honey Megan, in fact, also models for one of the two blogs bros read, The Chive.
Megan is more than just your average American Honey. Keep on the lookout for her in the future.
After she was let out of the bubble, Maria popped at the post-game party.
After the final game, the American Honeys could dress like actual American honeys. Before and after:
Sheena recovered nicely.
So did Maria and Megan.
Keep on being you, ladies.
You may get me to spring for a fifth of American Honey yet.