Look. I'm not going to lie to you. We live in dangerous times. Times that demand we stand up and say "no more!" Times that try the souls of men. Freedom is under assault every day in America. A war is brewing. A war threatening our very way of life. A war we must win.
I'm talking, of course, about the war on yoga pants.
According to Mother Jones' Tim Murphy, a Republican legislator in Montana is trying to ban the wearing of yoga pants. Here's Murphy:
Montana Republican state Rep. David Moore has a plan to guide America out of the darkness—ban yoga pants. Moore, who is upset that group of naked bicyclists pedaled through Missoula last year, decided that what his state really needs right now is tighter regulations on trousers. His proposed bill, HB 365, would outlaw not just nudity, but also "any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region."
This is an outrage. I thought we had progressed beyond the dark ages, when repressive scolds told us what pants we could wear as they leered at things they found inappropriate.
What is this, Footloose?
First they came for our yoga shorts, and I said nothing, because I only appreciated yoga pants.
But no more! This aggression, this aggression will not stand. Right, Kate?
Right.