Some takeaways from last night's Miss U.S.A. 2014 pageant:
1) My top seven started strong as we entered semis, but once Thomas Roberts began naming off "Maryland" and "Arizona," it forced me to question my smokes detector. Am I that wrong this year?
Fortunately, Miss Nevada USA Nia Sanchez did the impossible by making me look like I know what I'm talking about. She took home the night's top honors.
You can see why.
Sunday's celebration was not without a moment of outrage due to Nia's answer in the Q&A round.
Because people getting angry on Twitter has become a requirement with any live event these days.
Heaven forbid for self defense to be the first thing that crosses Nia's mind.
The main lesson Nia taught us last night: If at first you don’t succeed...
Try, try, try until you're crowned fairest in the land.
2) Speaking of semi-controversial answers, Karl Malone of all people asked Miss Georgia Tiana Griggs the timeless "You're on live national TV and have 30 seconds to blow out world leaders" question. Mark June 8th, 2014, for the first time in his career that the Mailman delivered on Sunday.
Tiana answered as gracefully as someone could in that type of situation.
She made a strong third place finish.
3) Prognosticators are never credited when they're right, but are always destroyed when they are wrong. I've been hard on myself over neglecting Miss Florida Brittany Oldehoff in my pre-pageant ranking. This is one pick I'll be carrying with me for a while.
I should have seen it. Brittany was on a tear, running through prelims, swimsuit semis, evening gown, and the Q&A portion to finish in the Top Six. She was as much of lock as there is and I...just...missed it.
In my defense, I was a tad distracted.
4) On the flip side, I come across like a precog for ranking Miss North Dakota USA Audra Mari eighteenth. She finished the evening running up to Nia. When was North Dakota known for its smokes?
Perhaps hockey players and beauty queens have more in common than you'd believe.
5) In 2005, rappers T.I., Nelly, and 50 Cent were among the genre's most in-demand stars.
My, have the mighty have fallen. The best Nelly can book is Miss U.S.A.
T.I. didn't fall much farther, landing a duet with Wolverine at the Tony's.
Fiddy would have killed for either.
