Henry Blodget recently did a valuable public service by voicing an opinion long held by the silent majority, namely that bathroom attendants are the absolute worst. If you're not familiar with the concept of the bathroom attendant, allow me to explain: This is a man who stands in the bathroom at a restaurant or a club, watches you pee, and then turns on the sink when you're ready to wash your hands. Frequently, they will have an assortment of mints or gum or cologne to make you smell good for your lady-friends. For these services, you are expected to tip them.
As Blodget notes, this is essentially a form of blackmail:
Then I think, "And after that will come the worst part. I will have to walk over to the sink and watch him turn on the water for me before I get there. I will think, 'Thanks, but I actually don't need someone to turn on the water for me. First of all, it wastes water. Second, it makes me feel like I'm the kind of guy who dreams of being rich enough to be able to pay someone to turn on the water for me.' The poor guy will talk to me while I'm washing my hands, while standing 6 inches from me. Then, after I wash my hands, he will hand me a paper towel. And then he will expect a tip.
And, then, at that point, I have an internal debate with myself: Should I really give him a tip for providing a service I hate that I don't want that takes exactly 5 seconds? Should I really encourage this annoying practice by rewarding it? Should I really support what is, in fact, extortion-by-guilt?
As a result of Blodget's timely and accurate post, the position of bathroom attendant at Balthazar, the restaurant he was writing about, has been eliminated. Gawker's Hamilton Nolan thinks this is dreadful, just dreadful.
I suppose there's some deeper point to be made here, something about the absurdity of liberals expecting businesses to hire (and keep on!) employees who actively degrade the experience of patrons. Danny Vinik handled the economic angle—thanks Obama—here.* But I think the absurdity of Nolan's post pretty much speaks for itself.
For now, all I'd like to do is ask the rest of the world's restauranteurs to follow the lead of Balthazar. I assure you: Your customers do not need someone to help them was their hands. If you want to provide mints and gum for people who are unable to brush their teeth, put a GD vending machine in the bathroom. Bathroom attendants actively degrade the customer experience and turn what should be a neutral-to-slightly-enjoyable experience (that is, visiting the men's room) into something terrible and uncomfortable and, frankly, icky. Instead of spending money on paying someone to hang out in the bathroom and trawl for tips, hire another waiter or bartender so customers don't have to wait 15 minutes for their cocktails. It's money better spent, I assure you.
*One quibble with Vinik: I don't think it's unreasonable for Blodget to suggest that the restaurant shift the money toward hiring a waiter. Most restaurants I've been to in the recent past could've used having an extra hand on staff to better serve patrons. It's been a while since I discussed this with people in the industry, but I'm pretty sure most restaurants are hiring fewer waiters and asking them to serve more tables simultaneously, a state of affairs that harms the customer experience by increasing wait times and stretching servers thin mentally, leading to more mistakes.
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