FRIDAY NEWS DUMP: Putin Poops Pants

Another stain on Russian strongman's legacy

December 2, 2022

Old and busted: Brownshirts. New hotness: Brownpants.

What happened: Russian president Vladimir Putin pooped himself after falling down the stairs and landing on his Donbass, according to an anti-Kremlin media source.

The 70-year-old dictator reportedly slipped and fell at his official residence in Moscow earlier this week. The impact caused Putin to "involuntarily defecate" due to "cancer affecting his stomach and bowels," the Telegram channel "General SVR" reported.

Why it matters: The embarrassing incident is yet another stain on the authoritarian's legacy, and appears to confirm the rumors surrounding Putin's ailing health. He is believed to be suffering from cancer and Parkinson's disease while overseeing the disastrous war in Ukraine.

Crucial context: Putin is 10 years younger than President Joe Biden, who was rumored to have defecated in his pants during a meeting with Pope Francis at the Vatican last year.

What happens next: Many are wondering: Who is Putin's number two? The dictator's fecal misadventure will increase speculation about succession plans in the event of his demise.

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