Planet of the Apes Movies Ranked! (New Substandard)

This week on the Substandard we talked about War for the Planet of the Apes after JVL got done yelling about Tesla. Man, he hates Tesla. I mean, REALLY hates Tesla. I can’t wait for him to be forced to buy one by President Zuckerberg and Secretary of Cool Cars Musk!

Anyway, after the podcast (review/subscribe here!), I thought we should rank the Planet of the Apes movies. THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM.

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George Romero, 1940-2017 (Updated)

George Romero, the progenitor of the modern zombie whose offspring have completely captured popular culture, died after a brief bout with lung cancer this weekend.

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Google Smart Reply: Rise of the Machines

Although it was launched last year, Google Smart Reply didn’t come to my attention until this past May. At the bottom of an email, I noticed three boxed selections containing built-in responses.

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Actually, the Guy Who Emailed Marc Kasowitz Is a Real Dick

angry email

So, you know, note to self: don’t email Trump attorney Marc Kasowitz unsolicited career advice. He doesn’t care for it:

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Theory: ‘Wonder Woman’ Is Holding Well in Part Because This Summer Has SUCKED

The Hollywood Reporter has a piece up highlighting the fact that Wonder Woman has had a really solid hold at the box office:

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Substandard

In this latest episode of the Substandard, Sonny, JVL, and I discuss Spider-Man: Homecoming, the second reboot of our webbed hero.

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The Problem with David Brooks’s Sandwich Shop Anecdote

fancy sandwiches

So, the internet had a great deal of fun with David Brooks’s column yesterday. (See, for instance, all this.) For the most part, it was … actually a pretty good column! More or less uncontroversial, really. Brooks writes that upper-middle-class families use their cultural and financial capital to pass along their advantages to the next generation of upper-middle-class strivers while also simultaneously erecting a set of barriers, legal and social, that makes it uncomfortable for those unfamiliar with the codes of the upper-middle classes to move up a station in life.

The trouble is this anecdote that Brooks uses to share the second half of that lesson:

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Blessed Prime Day, PrimeCitizens!

On the latest mini-episode of the Substandard, JVL, Vic, and I celebrated the most wonderful day of the year: Prime Day!

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People Are Awful, the Latest in a Continuing Series

The worst thing about the internet—aside from the people who think Bitcoin is good, I guess—is that something about the medium compels us to offer up our opinion on everything. I should know, given that I’ve tweeted more than any human should: We see a story or an anecdote or a tidbit and decide that it must be passed along, immediately, with our insta-analysis, our winners and losers, our cheers and jeers (but mostly jeers). Often that’s not a big deal and sometimes it’s actively good: I find I get more, better-curated news from my Twitter feed than just about any other source.

Other times, though, we’re handed a reminder that a not-insignificant portion of people are legitimately terrible.

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Amelia Earhart Mystery Solved. Is Finding Bigfoot Next?

It’s taken 80 years to figure out what happened to Amelia Earhart, the legendary aviatrix whose plane went missing over the Pacific Ocean in 1937. Or so the media insist.

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‘The Little Hours’ Mini Review

I’m a bit befuddled by The Little Hours.

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Why Does The Press Want to Help Donald Trump So Much?

A combination of Trump Derangement Syndrome and social media’s ability to spread misleading dumbness faster than a speeding GIF created another perfect storm of idiocy on Thursday. The VIRAL moment where Trump got totally OWNED this time? It was when the First Lady of Poland, Agata Kornhauser-Duda, totally SNUBBED the president to shake Melania Trump’s hand before him …

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Fireworks Are Terrible

JVL, Vic, and I probably owe you, our loyal listeners, an explanation as to why we were gone for so long. The answer, of course, is a simple one: we hate you and each other and needed some time apart. But we’re back for season 1.5: refreshed, relaxed, ready to bore you to tears with lists and counterintuitive arguments and all that good stuff! Subscribe here, leave a review, etc. Maybe if you leave a bunch this week JVL will let us resume highlighting the best review each episode.

Anyway, this week we talked a lot about Michael Bay and the Transformers movies: there were laughs and tears and rankings, all the great stuff you loved and/or hated about our dumb podcast. But we also talked about fireworks. And let me tell you something, guys: I hate fireworks.

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Christie to NJ: Let Them Eat Funnel Cake

“All State Parks Closed.” I kept passing these signs on the Garden State Parkway this past weekend, unaware that a budget impasse had resulted in a partial shutdown of government operations (not counting essential personnel like prison guards). I also didn’t realize this applied to my beloved Island Beach State Park.

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Challenge Accepted, PETA

bacon

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) wants to know something:

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