The Magic Party

AP

She is not a good speaker, and there was no chance she was going to transform magically into one for the purposes of her acceptance speech. Hillary is a careerist, an operator, a loving custodian of the artisanal political machine she and her husband have handcrafted from locally-sourced Manhattan ingredients.

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2016: Nixon v. Nixon

the election we deserve

If you divided Richard Nixon into two and imbued each of the Redux Nixons with one part of the 37th president’s ugliest features, you might get an election something like 2016.

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DC Movies: A Bastion of Feminism Putting Marvel to Shame

Killing Joke Batgirl

The big news at the San Diego Comic Con over the weekend had to be DC’s rollout of the next year’s worth of films. First up was Justice League:

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Evening in America

Donald Trump

I had been of the mind that if only Donald Trump stuck to his prepared remarks and delivered them with some discipline, he would be the recipient of positive attention following his speech in Cleveland tonight, perhaps even in quarters that go beyond his natural base of support. But after that long, dark, angry, bridge-burning, personality-cult-driven, blood-and-soil speech, a kind of Buchanan-for-Dummies remix of the ’92 convention, I can’t see how this will be the case.

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‘Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition: One More Subtitle’ Review

Snyder, Zack. Neocon Jesus of Steel at Golgotha. 2016.

As one of the world’s foremost Zack Snyder apologists, it pained me to give a Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice a negative review. Unlike many of the Snyder-haters out there, I actually like his vision for the DC universe. I think it’s interesting to imagine what would happen if an invulnerable man fell from the sky and was introduced to the world by destroying a small part of it in a fight with a similarly powered individual. Would people hail him as Superman? Or would they fear him as the superman?

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Casual Dining Chains, Re-Ranked

Cheesecake Factory Facebook page

Yesterday, in a misguided attempt to defend/troll Mike Pence, Sonny Bunch argued that (1) Chili’s is good and that (2) a proper ranking of chain restaurants would put Chili’s at the top and Ruby Tuesday in the second slot.

This is madness. All of it.

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Donald Trump Is George Bluth, Sr., Explained

Light treason

Real estate mogul, legally-embattled fraudster, sex fiend, friend of Saddam. Donald Trump is George Bluth, Sr. Roll tape.

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How to Talk About Ghostbusters Without Sounding Like a Jerk

Ghostbusters

As I’ve noted elsewhere, the discussion surrounding the reboot of Ghostbusters (1984) is pretty terrible because Ghostbusters (2016) has devolved into a front in the culture war and no culture war issue can ever be discussed with anything resembling decency. Allow me, then, to offer a few do’s and don’ts for discussing the reboot without sounding like an idiot or a jerk.

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Melania Trump’s Pseudo-Crime

Republican National Convention - Day One - Cleveland

If it hadn’t been reported that convention speeches fall under the purview of Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, I’d suspect Trump’s three eldest children—the fruit of his marriage to Ivana, all of whom have a significant role in their father’s campaign—of intentionally doing step-mom Melania in. Fun as that thought is, the truth is of course more likely to do with garden variety incompetence in a gonzo campaign. It does heighten the moment that the counterfeit passages have to do with hard work and integrity, doesn’t it?

Still. Rather than being outraged over this particular incident, I’m sympathetic to Nate Silver’s observation:

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Why Melania Trump’s Speech Was Perfect, With Pictures

AP

A lot of attention is being paid to accusations that Melania Trump may have snatched a line or two of her convention speech from Michelle Obama, but the truth is that nobody really remembers Michelle’s 2008 speech and, in my opinion, Melania’s will never be forgotten.

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Mike Pence Probably Went to Chili’s Because Chili’s Is Good

Screen Shot 2016-07-18 at 11.55.48 AM

Over the weekend, Mike Pence—Donald Trump’s choice for vice president despite the fact that Pence harshly criticized The Donald’s idiotic and unworkable plan to ban Muslims from coming into the United States—tweeted a photo of himself and his family eating a meal at the Chili’s in New York City.

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In Praise of Chris Hemsworth, Comedic Actor

It's actually kind of unfair how great Chris Hemsworth is. (AP)

In my Ghostbusters review, I noted that the most ironic thing about the lady-driven reboot is the fact that the funniest actor in it is, well, a dude.

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French Fries Ranked for #NationalFrenchFryDay

god's gift to man

Here is the objectively correct ranking of chain restaurant french fries. Please do not contradict it. Save your crying about why you like garbage fries from Checker’s for someone who cares. 1. Chick-Fil-A So good. Pairs perfectly with any sauce. The waffle shape is key and all-too-rare in the franchise world. 2. Arby’s It’s now a …

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‘The Infiltrator’ Mini-Review

The Infiltrator

Plot points for The Infiltrator, opening today, discussed below.

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The DNC Has Some Silly Gimmicks Planned for the RNC

DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, not impressed / AP

The Democrats have some pretty sweet jokes planned for the next week’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland that are sure to help Hillary Clinton defeat Donald Trump, according to a leaked copy of their “Counter Convention Plan Sketch” that was released by The Smoking Gun.

Actually, they only have one good joke planned, which is to hand out tiny foam fingers to highlight Trump’s comically stubby fingers—a potentially disqualifying characteristic that still has not been addressed despite some pretty easy fixes suggested by the Washington Free Beacon‘s Sonny Bunch.

The rest of the planned gimmicks for the week,on which the cash-strapped party organ plans to spend $15,000, are terrible and a waste of money.

Here are some of the dumbest things the DNC plans to do:

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