Going to the movies is, generally, terrible.
This is a sad but undeniable fact. Audiences are awful: They talk, they use their cell phones, they kick chairs and step on feet and yell at the screen. They stink. I mean, they literally smell bad. I don't know if hygiene standards are diminishing in this country or what, but they occasionally give off a rather rank odor.
You may think that because I am a movie reviewer things are better for me. And, true, sometimes they are. Every once in a while I get to pop on down to the MPAA's private screening room for a mid-day showing of a yet-to-be-released flick, surrounded by my fellow critics wittily bantering about the latest in entertainment news as I sink into the plus armchair and wait for the lights to go down. Those are the good days. The bad nights are far more common. True, critics do get a prime, roped-off section of seats. But we have to share the theater with all manner of folks: radio station contest winners and promo patrons and random people off the street. Actual street people. Sometimes they're well behaved. Oftentimes they are not.
Anyway, I lay this out there because I want you to know: I feel your pain, average moviegoer! I don't like having to go to the theater any more than you do. But I'm here to tell you that there's a better way. It's the way of the future. It's the elite cinematic experience.
I speak, of course, of the proliferation of chains that go that extra step for their customers. Outposts like the Angelika,* which has two venues in the D.C. region. There's the Mosaic out in the Virginia suburbs and the Pop-Up in D.C. proper. I have to say: nothing has improved my quality of cinematic life quite like having access to these two theaters. I don't often have to attend non-promo screenings, but when I do, I do so at one of the Angelika outlets. Indeed, I visited the Pop-Up just this Tuesday to catch a showing of It Follows. (Review coming Friday!)
What makes these venues so much better? Well, they're clean. And they're new. The sound systems are in tip-top shape. The bulbs in the projectors have yet to dim. You actually pick which seat you want to sit in when purchasing your ticket: no scanning the room for a row of four seats, no having to deal with a moron who arrives as the opening credits begin and then asks if you wouldn't mind scooting down so he and his 12 friends can sit together in the middle of the stadium seating. They have cafes in which one can purchase adult beverages in addition to more standard movie fare (I enjoyed a Ruination IPA and a bag of popcorn whilst watching It Follows). I cannot say enough good things about the venues themselves.
Most importantly, though, these theaters seem to attract a better class of customer: except for the individual who decided to eat an apple behind me during a showing of Under the Skin at the Mosaic, I've yet to experience a boorish seat neighbor. I wager it's because the theaters themselves show a better class of film: In addition to your major releases, they show stuff that's a bit artier, a bit less mainstream.
In short, they show movies for people who appreciate movies. And people who appreciate movies know how to behave in the theater.
In the D.C. area, at least, we're seeing more and more high-quality venues such as the Angelika. ArcLight recently opened an outpost in Bethesda, Maryland. If you've never been to an ArcLight you really must try to find one: They're common in Southern California, less so elsewhere. But they're a delight: the theaters come with plush, assigned seating and an attendant who introduces the evening's entertainment. Meanwhile, the AFI Silver is chugging along in Silver Spring, bringing an eclectic mix of new and old films to an audience searching out a higher quality experience. And the Landmark chain's E St. Cinema does good work as well.
So when you tire of the chattering masses at the Regal and the AMC, seek out better fare. Look for a place that offers you a superior movie viewing experience.
And if you don't live near an urban center? Well, there's always Video on Demand.
*Full disclosure: I have a VIP pass that allows me access to the Angelika's venues for free. I would go to the theater even if that weren't the case, however.