Part of the problem with "Hard Knocks" this season is that the Cincinnati Bengals storyline is pretty routine. Their biggest question is building essential depth for the rigors of the regular season.
Every fan’s favorite player is the back-up quarterback. Battling to take the field in case Andy Dalton contracts Ankylosing Spondylitis from Pilates is John Skelton, last seen in Arizona losing his job to a 6th-round rookie. Skelton struggles wrapping his tongue around Cincy's play calls.
How hard can it be?
Journeyman Josh Johnson is also vying for the spot. His career completion rate hovers around 50 percent.
Marvin Lewis is in a pickle. Terminology and accuracy problems are death-knells for running the West Coast offense.
Lewis’s agita was settled once Skelton led the Bengals down for a score.
Hybrid quarterbacks are becoming the league standard, so quality defensive linemen are at a premium. Looking to break into a deep d-line rotation is rookie defensive tackle and former American Idol contestant Terrence Stephens. Stephens was forced to sing.
Stephens’ dulcet tones caused James Harrison’s heart to grow three sizes that day.
Fellow rookie defensive end and Estonian Goliath 6'8" Margus Hunt exposed how poor U.S. East European civ classes are.
According to my U.S. public school education, you can travel to Estonia by climbing the magic beanstalk. Hunt's girlfriend descended down for a visit.
Her trip instigated a conversation about girlfriends.
If he's right, ABC made the right choice selecting Juan Pablo as the next Bachelor.
Hunt’s gigantism forced an interception.
Add up the forced pick and his girlfriend, and this dreamer deserves to be on Obama’s short list for ambassador to Estonia.
The Bengals still deploy fullbacks, a position that is being phased out in today's league. Competing for starting honors is former Jet John Conner. Conner’s nickname is also the Terminator, which makes sense because his namesake is the film franchise’s protagonist and he plays like a young Lorenzo Neal.
Since Conner has a legitimate claim to the Terminator nickname, I henceforth dub James Harrison "The Grinch" because of their shared sunny disposition.
Cincy decided to convert Orson Charles from tight end to fullback since playing time would be scarce between stud Jermaine Gresham and 2013 first round pick, Notre Dame's Tyler Eifert. Charles is still dropping passes like when dropped Florida’s 2006 national championship trophy.
In Charles’ defense, Eifert hasn’t improved much since his last game.
His Domer education did teach him how to be a proper houseguest, however.
Because it's preseason, we can’t read too much into the Bengals’ resounding 34-10 win over the Falcons. But the success of their 2’s and 3’s show signs of promise.