The only good thing to come out of Russia is its aura of exotic beauty, thanks to ravishing Russian exports Anne V and Irina Shayk, every James Bond movie before Tomorrow Never Dies, and Putin’s concubines.
However, with a new trade agreement between Belarus, Kazakhstan, and Russia, the days of Xenia Onatopp strangling Canadian admirals are numbered. In a regulation that goes into effect this year, the Eurasian countries are looking to ban "any underwear containing less than six percent cotton from being imported, made, or sold in Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan," which raises the question: How much cotton does it really take to make a g-string?
The AP reported on this economic outrage and the spirited demonstration it provoked in Borat's homeland (bolding mine):
On Sunday, 30 women in Kazakhstan were arrested and thrown into police vans while wearing lace underwear on their heads and shouting "Freedom to panties!"
The ban echoes back to the old USSR days, when ladies' undergarments were unisexual and made for functionality rather than comfort.
I don't know what the Russians were thinking when they put this ban in effect, but cotton panties look pretty darn useful here.
These harsh regulations are sure to put a damper on the ability of the Lingerie Football League to open franchises in Kazakhstan. Australia just finished a massively successful season of lady gladiatorial combat, with much thanks to their free and open lingerie trade.
Any economist worth his weight in pennies could tell you that market regulations are bad for the economy. Enacting panties sanctions would devalue Candice Swanepoel's $10-million bra down to the $35 that its actually worth.
In America, our founding fathers fought hard for a free and open economy that allows Americans of all creeds to purchase any style of panty they should choose. Model Megan Bernard continues that fight today.
The Russians can take away her panties, but they will never take away her freedom.
