Rihanna 777 was billed as the pinnacle of pop star decadence. As the current titleholder of "Pop’s Good Girl Gone Bad," Air Rihanna’s seventh album/seven city/seven nation celebration wrangled a gaggle of 150 fans and media. It promised to be an airborne orgy shrouded in blunt smoke and sponsored by Ace of Spades.
However, between the hours-long delays and naked Australian DJs, when the press found out Rihanna would not be joining them, they bitched on Twitter that they were being held hostage by Ri-Ri. Because handling a hangover after a bender in Paris while reporting on an international superstar is obviously the same as sitting in a Norks labor camp with Kenneth Bee. #FreeRihanna777
The finished, Roc Nation-approved product is not much different from those snarky tweets. It's a monotony of airplane banter and concert footage of Rihanna’s top hits. The only compelling footage is when Ri-Ri admits her self-destructive behavior of going to the club even when she knows she shouldn't.
Thirty seconds of Rihanna raining stacks on a Parisian stripper would have made this hour all worth it. Alas.
The problem with hour-long commercials for a six-month old album is that everything novel has been airbrushed out. And since the doc aired on a broadcast network, FCC regulations blurred or beeped out anything voyeurs wanted to see or hear—namely, evidence of Rihanna’s epic marijuana habit. The only interview of substance is when the Bombazee and Ri-Ri get wide. But the rolled spliff behind her ear is censored. Starz doesn't want this?
Ever since "The Rumble in the Lambo," Rihanna's steady decline has made her a must-watch entertainer. Her lover’s walk with Chris Brown has fueled the fire as much as her consistent string of pop hits. But the very things that make her a compelling character—the bad habits—are completely scrubbed from this label-approved show.
We like our entertainers as accessible as our politicians. Rolling Stone popping off on Rihanna’s canned phrases sounds copy-and-pasted from Politico’s whining over access to Mitt Romney. Rihanna gets a pass, though, because she doesn't want to stop the music.
Rihanna is a deplorable role model, and yet we buy her singles. Why? Because she's one of the few performers who effortlessly combines our insatiable hunger for catchy hooks and train wrecks.
Rihanna 777 satisfies only one of those appetites.