American Hero Sues History’s Greatest Monster

woman using a cell phone in a movie theater

AP

I think we have a frontrunner for Free Beacon Man of the Year, folks:

A man is suing a Round Rock woman for texting during a movie date at the Barton Creek Square theater, according to a petition filed in small claims court in Travis County.

Brandon Vezmar, 37, of Austin filed the claim Thursday against his date. He is asking for $17.31, which was the price of the movie ticket to a 3D showing of "Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2," he told the American-Statesman Tuesday.

Mr. Vezmar, a/k/a America's Last Hero, grew tired of his date's incredible rudeness and asked her to either stop texting or go out of the theater when she turned on a goddamn flashlight in the middle of a darkened room where people had gathered to watch a motion picture.

"It was kind of a first date from hell," he said. About 15 minutes after the movie began, Vezmar said, his date started texting on her phone. "This is like one of my biggest pet peeves."

In the petition, Vezmar said the woman "activated her phone at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages."

Eventually she did leave the theater, and—much to the delight of everyone else who had come to watch a movie without a thoughtless cretin blinding them with her disgustingly annoying smartphone, no doubt—she did not return. Mr. Vezmar did the only reasonable thing: ask to be repaid the cost of the ticket. Filing suit is the last recourse for this man of action.

How did the thoughtless harpy respond to his reasonable request to stop being such a discourteous dullard in public?

The woman said Tuesday she only texted on her phone in the theater two or three times.

"I had my phone low and I wasn’t bothering anybody," she said. She was texting a friend, who was having a fight with her boyfriend, she said. "It wasn’t like constant texting."

I hope she loses and is punished with treble—nay, quintuple!—damages. This isn't Nam, dear, there are rules.