SHE SHALL PERSIST: Here’s How Hillary Clinton Will Become President In 2017

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump’s impeachment is imminent, and the majority of his cabinet is implicated in his treason. Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our president in 2017. It was her turn. She won the popular vote, but lost the rigged election because of Russia. Fortunately, there’s a good chance that Hillary will be sworn in as president before …

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Nobody Knows Anything (Except that Audiences Are Stupid)

I am fascinated by this paragraph from a Deadline writeup of Alien: Covenant‘s mediocre box office opening. Specifically, the bolded line:

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TRIGGER WARNING: Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Claim Offends Accused Witches

More than a dozen women and men accused of witchcraft in this sleepy New England village are criticizing President Donald Trump for saying the current investigation of possible ties between his campaign and the Russian government is “the greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”

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Guy Ritchie Films, Ranked

In the latest Substandard, Vic, JVL, and I lamented the passing of Powers Boothe (a longer remembrance here, if you’re interested) and discussed the latest film from Guy Ritchie, Chav King ArthurIn an effort to troll me, JVL claimed to like it, going so far as to say it’s the third-best Guy Ritchie film.

This is codswallop, as the kids* say. Codswallop! Chav King Arthur is trash and everyone knows it. Indeed, it is right near the bottom of any proper appreciation of Guy Ritchie’s films. Which, after the podcast, we shall rank.

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American Hero Sues History’s Greatest Monster

woman using a cell phone in a movie theater

I think we have a frontrunner for Free Beacon Man of the Year, folks:

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‘No One in the White House Likes Or Respects Trump’

“No one in the White House likes or respects Trump.” Those are the words of a source with very close ties to a number of officials in the White House explaining the views of key personnel advising the president. It’s also the most helpful explanation of the dysfunction currently facing President Trump. When you talk …

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Trump vs. Media: Release the Memcon

This picture taken in March 1997 shows U.S. President Bill Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin shaking hands at the Presidential Palace

The media feeding frenzy triggered by a sensational Washington Post story alleging President Trump leaked classified information to the Russians ended abruptly today—like biting into a popcorn kernel and breaking a molar.

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Powers Boothe, 1948-2017

News broke* last night that Powers Boothe died at the age of 68, and there was much sadness. Few played a steely eyed, gravelly voiced badass with the joie de vivre of Mr. Boothe.

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What’s with Trump’s Question Marks???

Donald Trump

Last week President Donald Trump set off another firestorm of tweets.

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Selling Out Is Awesome

In the latest episode of The Substandard, JVL, Vic, and I discuss the new Guardians of the Galaxy flick and rank pizzas, among other things. It’s a pretty amazing episode, you should probably subscribe and/or rate the show after listening. I don’t want to talk about any of that, though. What I want to talk about is the pleasure of, finally, selling the f—k out.

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Free Beacon Fan Fiction: Hillary Clinton Detained, Trump Declares ‘Promise Kept’ in Fabulous Rose Garden Ceremony

CHAPPAQUA — Hillary Clinton surrendered to federal authorities on Tuesday after a nine-hour standoff involving a series of tense negotiations and a brief exchange of gunfire with Kazakh mercenaries. The former secretary of state was transferred to a federal prison facility in Cumberland, Md., where she will await trial on charges of corruption, racketeering, treason, voter fraud, planning the Benghazi attack, associating with perverts, and disseminating “fake news.”

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You Learn Something New Every Day

A rather silly piece about the state of “prestige TV”—whatever that term even means—made the rounds yesterday on the twitters. It’s one of these odd bits of criticism that poses as bold iconoclasm but actually restates a lot of what has already been said elsewhere. Just as a for-instance, this paragraph made me scratch my head:

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Ukraine Bans Steven Seagal

As reported in the Guardian , actor-producer-seventh-dan-in-aikido and Russian citizen Steven Seagal has been banned for five years from entering Ukraine.

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Drinks Associated with Holidays/Events, Ranked

In the latest mini-Substandard, JVL, Vic, and I discussed the Kentucky Derby, and I recounted a harrowing tale from a recent party that quickly devolved into a Lord of the Flies-style horror show. Mostly, though, I blathered on about Mint Juleps. And then I got to thinking: What are the best drinks associated with holidays? After …

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NEWS: New Jersey Man Selling Kate Upton’s First SI Swimsuit Cover For $3

A South River, New Jersey, man is selling a copy of the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue—notably the first of three with supermodel Kate Upton on its cover—for only $3.00.

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