Was ‘Split’s’ Twist a Giant Cheat? (Spoilers)

Split's twist

Spoilers are below. Spoilers for Split. I told you to see it this weekend because people would talk about the ending. And now I’m warning you to stop reading if you haven’t seen Split. You should go see it! Right now, go, close up your laptop and head to a theater. Or don’t, I’m not the boss of you. In fact, if I am the boss of you, keep working and see it tonight once you’ve filed.

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New Substandard Addresses Dying Malls, Dying Wrestlers

It’s an all-death issue of The Substandard, judged by many neutral sources to be the greatest podcast on God’s green Earth (or J’onn’s red Mars, for that matter). Vic Matus and JVL discuss the heyday of malls—they’re old—while I talk about how I can’t respect people who go to shopping centers without a discrete shopping agenda. I’m basically Shannon from Mallrats. Though, you know, not in certain aspects. We also talk about wrestling for a bit, and I reveal the most important life lesson you can derive from watching dudes in spandex grab each other.

Subscribe here! Leave a review if you like what you hear, that helps us climb the iTunes podcast rankings, or something. If you don’t leave a review, the terrorists win. You don’t … want the terrorists to win. Do you?

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‘Silence’s’ Priestly Pride and Scorsese’s Male Swagger

There are spoilers for Silence, including a discussion of the ending of both the novel and movie, contained within this post.

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Behold: The Worst Trailer of All Time

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair:

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NFL Divisional Round Picks, with Pictures

Over the summer I attended a concert by a mediocre 90s band and was asked by its lead singer whether I believed in science. At the time, I did.

But then I lived through the NFL’s wild card weekend and witnessed the clearest evidence to date indicating that we are living in a post-science era of world history.

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New Substandard Discusses Actors Who Direct, NFL Playoffs

Patriots Day

Actors who want to direct! The NFL playoffs! Drama at the Golden Globes! All this and (a very little bit!) more in this week’s Substandard! Leave a review here! Subscribe in iTunes or Google Play or other podcast thingies! Do one of those and I promise not to use any exclamation points next week!

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You People Wanted the Politicized Life? Congrats, You Got It

People are, naturally, extremely upset because Donald Trump said people should buy L.L. Bean products because someone in the organization said something nice about him or donated to his campaign or some such. Here’s Trump:

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Gizmodo Fake News on Nukes

The ACC Is the Best Conference in College Football

I think David French summed up the national championship pretty nicely last night:

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Is Meryl Streep Overrated?

Meryl Streep

So, obviously, the only thing anyone cares about from the Golden Globes last night—anyone except the fulminators of Film Twitter fuming about La La Land’s triumph, that is—is Meryl Streep’s speech and the reaction it prompted from President-elect Donald Trump.

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NFL Wild Card Picks, With Pictures

At the beginning of this NFL season I announced that I was no longer going to partake in football betting as a scientific experiment.

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New Substandard Features ‘Silence,’ Me Getting Trolled

In the latest episode of The Substandard (subscribe here! Leave a review!), JVL, Vic Matus, and I discuss Silence and Martin Scorsese. I’ll be honest: I may or may not have lost my cool when JVL revealed that he thinks Martin Scorsese is overrated.

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There’s Still (Almost) Another Month of Christmas

A lot of people take me for a Scrooge, a label I am happy to embrace. I despise “the holidays” and make a point of never acknowleding Thanksgiving* or New Year’s Eve, and I refuse to say “Merry Christmas” to anyone until the evening of December 24, the earliest juncture at which I will tolerate …

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Sorry, But Not Killing Babies Is Bad for Business

What does the Democratic Party stand for in 2017? The bottom lines of insurance companies? The unfettered operation of our intelligence services? Neo-McCarthyism? Let’s ask the governor of Virginia: Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe is promising to veto legislation banning abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy, saying such a “socially divisive” proposal hurts the state’s image.… McAuliffe, …

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How to Lose Friends and Alienate Voters

Over the Christmas break*, I stumbled across the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. Via New York magazine, tremble before the power of the Check Your Privilege Card:

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