President Joe Biden will hold his first official press conference on Thursday, where he will attempt to answer questions from the White House press corps without the aid of a teleprompter or earpiece.
Our nation's noble journalists must take advantage of the opportunity to hold Biden accountable. It could be months before he agrees to hold another press conference, at which point he might be incapacitated by some age-related ailment or forced to resign at the behest of his ambitious vice president, Kamala Harris.
With this goal in mind, the Washington Free Beacon's department of journalistic responsibility has developed the following list of important questions Biden must answer when he confronts reporters for the first time as president. Enjoy!
1) You've previously said Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D., N.Y.) should resign if the numerous sexual assault allegations against him are proven true. Do you really think it's possible that all these women will turn out to be liars like Tara Reade?
2) Why are you spending $87 million to house illegal immigrants in hotel rooms, when roughly half a million Americans are sleeping on the streets?
3) Sen. Joe Manchin (D., W. Va.) opposed Neera Tanden's nomination for Office of Management and Budget director but supports Colin Kahl for undersecretary of defense. Tanden is a nonwhite female; Kahl is a white male. Are you comfortable serving alongside racist members of your own party?
4) Vice President Kamala Harris recently took part in a Clinton Foundation event with former president Bill Clinton to discuss the issue of "empowering women and girls" in the United States. What measures, if any, did the U.S. Secret Service take to protect the VP from the notorious sexual predator?
5) Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV. Will you commit to taking a cognitive test and sharing the results with the American public? If not, what are you hiding?
6) Forgive the pun, but what "steps" have you taken to ensure that the White House (and Air Force One) is a less hazardous environment for elderly and mobility-challenged individuals such as yourself?
7) Hillary Clinton must have had a mobility enhancement plan in place before her embarrassing defeat in 2016. Has she called to offer suggestions?
8) Have you considered an Acorn Stairlift?
9) Does it annoy you that most people think Kamala Harris is the real president?
10) Is that why you're putting her in charge of the border crisis? To undermine her inevitable 2024 campaign?
11) By the way, why didn't you do anything to stop her from punishing those poor young staffers for smoking pot?
12) Where did your dogs learn their aggressive behavior?
13) Hitler had the same kind of dog. Care to comment?
14) Can you tell us about the art situation in the White House residence? Any Hunter Biden originals?
15) Speaking of Hunter, how many grandchildren do you have?
16) Actually, that's incorrect. Once again you've refused to acknowledge the existence of Hunter's lovechild with the stripper known as "Dallas." Doesn't that child deserve to be loved and spoiled rotten by his Grampy Joe?
17) Regarding your cabinet, who was about to get fired before Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D., Ill.) chickened out and ended her diversity boycott?
18) By all accounts, former president Barack Obama has a really low opinion of you. Why is that? Did you accidentally call him a racial slur, or smell Michelle's hair when he wasn't looking?
19) What is the best kind of train?
20) A little while ago you were asked a question about your willingness to take a cognitive test, which was preceded by a list of five words. Could you please recall those words now and list them back to me in the same order?