The woke libs are on a roll. They've progressed from tearing down Confederate statues in the name of racial justice to targeting statues of the president who waged war against the Confederacy to free the slaves, all in the name of some indecipherable cause that is presumably noble and beyond the comprehension of the unwoke masses.
But even when all the Abraham Lincoln statues are torn down and Mount Rushmore is firebombed into oblivion, the woke scolds still won't be satisfied. A recent poll found that more than 40 percent of Americans who identify as "very liberal" want to change the name of our country and the design of its flag in the name of "pro-diversity cultural deconstruction."
Some 80 percent of "very liberal" respondents also want to change the national anthem, so it was only a matter of time before the cancel mob came for slaveowner Francis Scott Key and "The Star-Spangled Banner." In fact, they've already begun. A statue of Key was toppled in San Francisco over the weekend, and a high school student in New York recently refused to sing the anthem at her (virtual) graduation ceremony to avoid "being complicit to a system that has oppressed people of color."
Lyndsey Parker, editor in chief of Yahoo Music, cited these episodes as evidence that our current national anthem probably doesn't deserve to survive in this "increasingly antiracist era." In an article headlined, "Why it might be time to finally replace 'The Star-Spangled Banner' with a new national anthem," Parker interviews social justice experts who agree with her suggestion that the United States should "adopt a new anthem with a less troubling history and a more inclusive message."
The anthem isn't just problematic because Key owned slaves, according to the experts. It also glorifies violence, which is bad. Kevin Powell, who is described in his Amazon bio as "one of the most acclaimed political, cultural, literary and hip-hop voices in America today," predicted that black musical artists will soon start refusing to sing the anthem at sporting events and other public gatherings. Powell also suggested an alternative: "Imagine" by John Lennon, which he said was "the most beautiful, unifying, all-people, all-backgrounds-together kind of song you could have."
Powell has a point. Replacing our current national anthem—about fighting a war to keep the country independent from the British—with a song written by an Englishman who envisions a world with "no countries," makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, Lennon isn't just white; he's also associated with the most brutal colonial empire the world has ever known and didn't write a single song about a trans person of color. So he's canceled.
What then, should replace our anthem? Viable alternatives include:
"High Hopes" by Panic! At The Disco — The Founding Fathers deserve to be canceled, but their hopes were indisputably high.
"Changes" by Tupac Shakur — Might be difficult to sing along to, but white Millennials already know all the words.
"White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo — Cons: Lengthy, not a song. Pros: An important first step toward racial healing.
Moment of Silence by N/A — Would give Americans a much-needed opportunity to reflect on our country's sins, as opposed to glorifying them in song.
TBD by Lin-Manuel Miranda — A new anthem that all Americans could afford to see performed on stage, not just rich white libs.