2020 Election

Biden Gets Secret Service Protection in Response to Vegan Threat

Former vice president Joe Biden, the presumptive Democratic nominee for president, will receive Secret Service protection beginning on Tuesday. The move comes after a series of disruptions at Biden campaign events, such as the time a pair of menacing "anti-dairy" vegan protesters rushed the stage while Biden was speaking at a Super Tuesday rally in Los Angeles.

The Biden campaign officially requested Secret Service protection, which is typically provided to presidential candidates at this stage in the race, in response to the mayhem caused by the vegans. The agitators shouted, "Let dairy die!" before being ushered off stage. In the absence of professional government bodyguards, the unruly vegans were neutralized by campaign adviser Symone D. Sanders and the candidate's wife, Dr. Jill Biden, among others.

The request for Secret Service protection raises doubts about Biden's confidence in the abilities of his wife and female campaign staffers to perform duties stereotypically assigned to men. Video evidence suggests that Sanders and Dr. Jill are at least as capable as any male Secret Service agent of protecting the presumptive nominee from vegan threats.

Biden's apparent lack of trust in Sanders and Dr. Jill raises further doubts about the former VP's alleged commitment to select a female running mate. The choice will be heavily scrutinized in light of Biden's advanced age. At 77, Biden is in the demographic most at risk of dying from the Chinese coronavirus currently sweeping the globe, according to science.

Critics may also raise concerns about Biden's willingness to stand up to adversaries more intimidating than a couple of vegans, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, for example.

Vegans aren't the only fringe group that attempted to disrupt Biden campaign events. During a rally in New Hampshire on the eve of the state's primary in February, a man of undetermined ideology heckled Biden shortly after the candidate began to address the sparse crowd. The protester demanded to know if "Creepy Joe" would apologize for "touching women and kids." He was removed from the venue by campaign staff, but not before loudly and repeatedly accusing the former VP of being a "pedo-filer."

Biden previously enjoyed Secret Service protection as vice president during the Obama administration. During this time, the Secret Service even provided an entourage for Biden's renegade son, Hunter, while he tended to his myriad shady business interest around the globe. American taxpayers footed the bill, of course, to the tune of nearly $200,000. That's more than triple the amount taxpayers spent to provide Secret Service protection to President Obama's two daughters, Sasha and Malia.

Hunter Biden’s Foreign Visits Cost Taxpayers Nearly $200,000, According to Gov’t Database