Donald Trump Wins Democratic Debate

All he does is win. (AP)

Five old white people stood on stage Tuesday night and argued about who would be the best candidate to represent the “party of the future.” They all lost. The true winner of the contest was sitting at home in a fabulous tuxedo. No, not Mitt Romney. The winner of the first Democratic primary debate was Republican frontrunner Donald J. Trump.

66,580 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is Better and More Successful than Obama

All he does is win. (AP)

Next president Donald Trump is better and more successful than Barack Obama in many, many ways. The Donald has a massive fortune, while Obama is barely a millionaire. Pathetic. Trump also boasts a Twitter following that is huge like you wouldn’t believe. Very, very large. Even the President of the United States can’t keep up with the Donald. What a loser.

Obama’s War on Women’s Sports

President Obama reluctantly accepts a WNBA jersey. (AP)

President Barack Obama has a women’s sports problem. We know he loves male sports because he somehow manages to closely follow all the major ones despite presumably doing all the things presidents are supposed to do on a daily basis, such as attend cabinet meeting and lead the free world. But where is the love for the ladies?

Hillary Clinton: Running for President, One Tweet at a Time

"Pls delete."

Hillary Clinton has been so reclusive of late that some experts have compared her to an ailing third world dictator. Clinton’s aversion to the public spotlight comes as no surprise, given her poor political skills and tendency to make statements that most normal Americans find offensive and out of touch. In recent days, Clinton has been campaigning for president almost exclusively via Twitter, using cautiously worded gibberish that appears to have been “focus grouped down to the hashtag.”

State Dept. Apparently Knows its Hungarian Porn

/ Twitter

The State Department has developed quite the reputation for its Twitter account after several controversial tweets, including one endorsing a handbook that calls Jihad ‘noble.’ Tuesday’s tweet from the State Department-run account, called Think Again Turn Away, is an unconventional attempt to tell “some truths about terrorism.”