FERGUSON, Mo. — A couple of weeks ago I was on a date with a lovely woman of the goth persuasion. I was doing pretty well—naturally—and she invited me to her apartment in Brooklyn, where she put on some music to set the mood.
And when I heard the first few chords of Green Day’s soft-core punk anthem “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life),” I began to weep uncontrollably.
Not because the song elicits memories of my days purging Eastern Europe of Soviet meatheads. Not because I wanted to invite the sympathy of my companion, to feel the bristles of her Elvira wig against my cheek, her black-painted nails pressed into my shoulder.
No. I wept for America.
Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel resigned was fired on Monday, vindicating critics who had long argued that Hagel was unfit for the job.
“Chuck Hagel has been no ordinary secretary of defense,” the man who fired him (President Obama) said in a statement.
And this is certainly true. An ordinary secretary of defense, for example, probably could have defended his face from a kitchen cabinet. Hagel could not. Also, he couldn’t get anyone to return his phone calls.
U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel lost his battle with a kitchen cabinet earlier this week, and suffered a significant face wound in the process.
Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel went to China last month as part of his global climate change panic tour.
This was several weeks before news broke that the United States indicted five Chinese military officers on cyber-spying charges. According to the New York Times, the issue of cybersecurity came up in Hagel’s meeting with Chinese officials. How did it go?
Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is that guy. He’s the guy who is always calling to ask where the party is, but it’s only 2:30 p.m. on a Saturday and you just want to chill for a few hours before going out. Plus, Hagel is excruciatingly dull to hang out with, as evidenced by his underwater approval rating.
His two best friends—John and Barry—are insufferable bores who talk too much. Most of the time, you end up telling him what he wants to hear just to get him off your back, and then, later, ignore his frenzied phone calls when you inevitably don’t show up at the place where you agreed to meet him.
The Senate voted along party lines on a stormy Tuesday evening to confirm the embattled former Republican Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel as the nation’s next secretary of defense, capping a turbulent months-long battle over the nominee’s controversial past.
A sharply divided Senate is scheduled to cast a final vote on the contested nomination of secretary of defense nominee Chuck Hagel Tuesday, ending a months-long battle that has centered on the nominee’s controversial past statements.
The Embassy of India chided secretary of defense nominee Chuck Hagel late Monday for suggesting in a previously unreleased 2011 speech that India has “for many years” sponsored terrorist activities against Pakistan in Afghanistan.
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R., S.C.) sent a letter to secretary of defense nominee Chuck Hagel Wednesday asking whether he made disparaging comments about Israel during a speech at Rutgers law school on April 9, 2010.
The release of a videotaped speech delivered by embattled secretary of defense nominee Chuck Hagel at Cameron University in 2011 is contingent upon the former Nebraska senator’s written consent, according to university officials.